More Movie Trailers

Whenever I'm bored, haven't done much else to write about, or just feel lazy, I watch and post my thoughts about trailers for upcoming movies. Don't expect this to take up much time, because I sure didn't find many worth sharing:

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
This isn't a real movie, right? There's no way this is a real movie. I don't even just mean because the premise is idiotic, but because no studio could think any movie starring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Artereton could be a hit. No offense to either of them who are both fine actors, but appearing in the Avengers doesn't mean you can open a movie... unless that movie opens on January 25th. Fair enough.

Anyway, while I was watching this trailer, I kept expecting Bugs Bunny to pop up and go, "Hansel?!"

Olympus Has Fallen
This isn't a real movie, right? There's no way this is a real movie. I don't even mean because the premise is so 1992, but because no studio could think any movie starring Gerard Butler could be a hit. No offense to Gerard Butler who's a fine actor, but... ah fuck it. Fuck you, Gerard Butler. I liked 300, but what has he done since? I'm certainly not gonna see this one.

A Good Day to Die Hard
This movie looks just as stupid as Olympus Has Fallen -- more so, even! -- but the Die Hard series has earned the right to be stupid, and they've been doing stupid for longer and better since before Gerard Butler was waiting tables at the Planet Hollywood in Melbourne.

Wait... is Gerard Butler Australian? Who cares.

Anyway, this looks dumb, but I'll at least rent it.

The Call
Don't watch this trailer because it looks like a totally by the numbers, generic thriller. I'm only posting it so I can ask this question: When did that little girl from Little Miss Sunshine turn hot?

Saving Lincoln
What the fuck is this? This literally looks like something that was filmed in front of a green screen then chopped together in two weeks to cash in on the popularity of that other movie about Lincoln. This has some good actors, but watch this trailer and tell me it doesn't look like the absolute worst movie ever made.

Scary Movie 5
Here's another trailer you shouldn't watch because, frankly, why would you? I'm only posting it so I can point out that Ashley Tisdale has finally reached the point in her career where she's playing a grown woman with a husband and a child. That just blew my fucking mind, man. She's still gorgeous.

But this movie looks almost -- but not quite -- as bad as Saving Lincoln, and it wins if only because it looks dreadful but not pretentious.

Oh... and this will be of interest to absolutely nobody else, but her husband is played by Simon Rex. Remember him?

Phantom
This doesn't look terrible, but it does sort of look like a made for TNT original movie. And that's fine, and I'll maybe rent it some day or at least watch it when it does come on TNT, if only because Ed Harris and David Duchovny are both cool. Maybe I'll even go see it if it actually opens in a theater somewhere, if only to support these two, both of whom probably need a hit. It'll be hilarious if this film went on to be the highest grossing movie of all time.

It could happen.

42
I'm torn. On the one hand, Jackie Robinson was a true American hero whose story is one of the most inspiring and indelible in our nation's history. On the other hand, this looks like a pretty mediocre movie. If it gets good reviews, I'll check it out because I like the man and I love a good baseball movie.

The Last Exorcism 2 / The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia
I didn't watch either of these trailers either, but -- again -- I have some questions and observations:

First of all... look at those posters. These are the same movie, right?

Second of all... how can you have a sequel to a movie called The Last Exorcism? They should've at least called it "The Last Exorcism 2: One More Exorcism" or something.

Third of all... how can you have a movie called "The Haunting in Connecticut" that seemingly appears to take place in Georgia? More importantly, why isn't the tagline for this movie, "The Devil went down to Georgia"? Missed opportunity.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
Ok, this one made me laugh. I'm not going to go see it, but I might rent it maybe. Anyway, it might be the one trailer I posted that's worth watching.

 And that's all I got.

Trailer Park

Hey... let's watch some movie trailers:

Pacific Rim
This might be the most epic trailer ever made.

Guillermo del Toro directing Giant robots, kaiju, Jax from Sons of Anarchy, Charlie from It's Always Sunny, Stringer Bell from the Wire... and was that the voice of Glados from Portal? I'll be there opening day.
Parker
This looks like fun. Jason Stathom as Parker from the Donald Westlake novels. I've never read those so I can't speak to their faithfulness to the source material, but I'd be surprised if Westlake wrote a character who did so much karate. Anyway... cool trailer. I'll rent this for sure.

Epic
Nice animation, but no thanks. Even as a kid I would've thought this looked stupid. Do kids even like all these animated movies anymore, or are they as sick of them as I am? When I was a kid, I always preferred movies about real kids. I could pretend I was one of the Goonies. I can't pretend I'm some weird, super-deformed, plastic-looking freak, nor would I want to.

But then again, that's just me.

World War Z
If you read my blog you know I love zombie movies... but this looks bad. Not bad, maybe, but just not engaging. Anyway, it's a boring looking trailer. I have no interest. But I do like Brad Pitt so I'll keep an eye on it. 

Star Trek Into Darkness
Pretty epic trailer, but at the moment I still have zero interest in this. The first JJ Abrams Star Trek film wasn't Star Trek, and this one looks even less so. Maybe if I can divorce myself from the source material I can go into it an enjoy it on its own terms, but I dunno. I didn't just think the previous film was bad Star Trek, but bad sci-fi in general. Then again, I've seen worse, and I do like that Bennedict Cumberbatch guy, or whatever the hell his name is.

A Haunted House
This looks awful. I laughed.

Man of Steel
Another epic trailer, but I'm still unsure of how I felt about it.

Henry Cavill certainly looks the part and it is action packed which should be an improvement on that last Superman movie, but the costume looks weird and some of the lines sound odd... like when Pa Kent suggests that maybe Superman should've let that kid die. Huh?!

Anyway... nice looking trailer. Check it out. I sure hope it's good. Lord knows the world deserves to see a good Superman movie. I just wish it looked a little more... I dunno.. like Superman.

The Last Stand
Schwarzenegger came out of retirement to make this? I'll rent it, but only cause I'm a fan. Doesn't look too good, but it could be fun.

The Lone Ranger
Fuck you.

Oblivion
Tom Cruise sure needs a hit, but this won't be it. But it is a very cool trailer and it looks like a neat movie. If it gets great reviews, I'll go see it. If not, I'll probably still rent it. I like Sci-fi and I like Tom Cruise, no matter what anybody says.

But here's my advice for Mr. Cruise just in case he reads my blog: Do some supporting work in some good films by good directors and put the big budget action films on the back burner. Just my advice.

Gangster Squad
I'd love to watch a big budget gangster film about Mickey Cohen (starring Sean Penn no less!), but this doesn't look too good. Also... what's the appeal of Ryan Gosling. Can somebody explain that to me? Nice looking kid to be sure, but he's not a particularly good actor. Or maybe he is, but he's not a particularly engaging one in my opinion. Still... interesting trailers.

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning
Is there a single person in a single scene of this trailer that doesn't look greasy? According to this trailer, this movie came out last month. Who knew? Would you believe I've never actually seen a Universal Soldier movie? I sure as hell ain't gonna start with this one. 

Les Miserables
Does this looks good? I'm not sure. I don't know the musical well enough. Nice visuals though, and that's a cool cast, but only a few of the voices actually sounded all that good. But boy do I love Russell Crowe, and I'd love to see him in a musical. How funny is that?

Skyfall: Official Teaser Trailer

The first official teaser for the upcoming Bond film Skyall was just released... and it's neat. Teaser trailers are never bad, but they're never all that good either. But this looks cool, we get to see Daniel Craig shoot lots of people, and lots of stuff blows up. I'd like to have heard the Bond theme maybe... and was his name even mentioned? I can't remember. Anyway... looks cool, and I'll obviously see it.

Expendables 2 Trailer

I had to share this:

Total Recall Teaser

So unless I'm mistaken, this is just a trailer for the upcoming trailer for the upcoming remake of Total Recall. Weird. As a trailer for a trailer, it's got me intrigued. This certainly looks like it's going to be a pretty awesome trailer. I'll be sure to tune in on Sunday... wherever.

Anyway, looks cool.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

The first half of this trailer is crap, but the second half is amazing:

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Trailer

I suppose I should've waited to do my trailer round-up, since the Hobbit trailer was released online just a few hours later. Anyway, here it is, and it looks good!

I had a lot of problems with Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy of films, since I'm a huge fan of the novels and he took too many liberties and made too many unnecessary changes that really hurt the overall story and gutted the heart of some of the characters, but this one looks very cool. Also, the original Hobbit novel is more lighthearted and fun than the Lord of the Rings books, so it should be more in line with Jackson's somewhat whimsical film style.

Anyway, I'll see it:

More Movie Trailers

Bored on my day off, so let's watch some more movie trailers:

The Expendables 2
Two words: Hell yes!

Ok, two more words: Chuck Norris!

Ok, two more words: Jean Claude Van Da... wait, how many words is that? Anyway, I'm excited for this one.

Jack the Giant Killer
Hmmmmmm...


Does this look awful or kind of good? I can't tell, but I'm leaning toward awful. I mean, a big budget action extravaganza based on Jack and the Beanstalk? I guess if that sounds good to you, this won't disappoint. I'll probably rent it. Maybe.


Prometheus
Wait a minute! This isn't a trailer! This is more like a trailer for a trailer. Anyway, it looks pretty neat, even though Ridley Scott is pretty hit or miss for me, but his films are always interesting anyway. I think maybe I remember reading about how this film started out as a prequel to Alien, but then he changed it up and made it self-contained. Or am I thinking of a different movie? Anyway, I'm interested. I hope there's an actual trailer that comes out soon!

Wrath of the Titans
This might actually be the best trailer I've ever seen. I'm sure the movie is going to be really stupid, but boy is that a cool trailer. I'll definitely see this one, not only because it looks pretty awesome but also because I saw the first one in the theater so I have no reason to skip this one, since they look to be pretty much the same movie. This one looks like it has more monsters in it though.

Casa de me Padre
I have no idea what this is supposed to be, but I'm pretty sure I'm not interested.

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie
From the blurb on the website:

"An all new feature film from the twisted minds of cult comedy heroes Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim."

I've never heard of these people, and judging from this trailer, I'm going to take "cult comedy heroes" to mean, "a couple of guys who aren't funny."

No interest in this one at all, but good luck to them, whoever they are.

Rock of Ages
I'm sure some people will think this looks like fun. I'm not one of those people.


Min in Black 3
Seems like too much time has passed for this to be the least bit relevant or welcome... but it looks like fun to me. I'll rent it for sure.

Titanic: 3-D
Why not? I can't wait to see that nude scene in 3-D!

Mirror Mirror
This looks obnoxious and nowhere near as cool as the that other film based on Snow White.

Loosies
Peter Facinelli is my boy, and this does look kind of entertaining, but come on! Loosies? That's the worst title I've ever heard. I'll rent it. Maybe.

The Dark Knight Rises
I'm pretty sure I'm the only person on the planet who hated both Batman Begins and its sequel, so I'm probably the only person on the planet who isn't excited to see this third (and final?) entry in Christopher Nolan's Batman series of films. This trailer didn't change my mind, since it looks just as pretentious, boring, and downright un-Batman-like as the previous two films. I'm gonna sit this one out.

Movie Trailers

Got nothing to do this morning, so let's watch some movie trailers:

21 Jump Street
For real? Honestly, I never understood the popularity of this show even back in the day. Why did teenagers tune in every week to watch a show about narcs? Is there anything teenagers hate more than a narc? Anyway, having said that, it's still odd that they are doing another conedy remake of a show from the 80s that was originally played straight. And Channing Tatum is really our lead in a big action comedy movie? That guy sucks! Having said all that... I'll watch it, when it comes to TBS. I laughed.

Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace 3D
I know I should be ashamed to admit this, but I'll see it. I bet it'll look cool. (But don't tell anybody I said that.)

The Hunger Games
I'm marginally aware of the fact that there are some books or something called The Hunger Games, but that's all I know. Anyway, this trailer looks neat, the cast is cool, and that Jennifer Lawrence sure is pretty. This trailer makes it look like Logan's Run meets that Ray Liotta movie No Escape, which actually sounds pretty cool now that I think about it.


Underworld Awakening
They're still making these? How many have they made by now? 4? 5? I ask because I don't know, since I only saw the first one and thought it was pretty lame. But god bless 'em for their perseverance. I'm not interested, but maybe somebody will be...

Safe House
Number 25 in a serious of films starring Denzel Washington opposite some young, handsome white guy. Anyway, they're all good, and this one looks like fun. I'll rent it.

Red Tails
Is this the prequel to Soul Plane? Was that racist? Anyway, I'm sorry I started off with that joke because this actually looks like a pretty good movie with an interesting, important story. But I'll go see it just for all the WWII era planes.

Snow White and the Huntsman
When I first clicked on this link, I had the same thought you did: Boy, this looks awful. But it actually looks pretty awesome. I don't know how I feel about the profoundly mediocre Kristen Stewart playing Snow White, but everything else about it looks pretty cool. I'm in.

Sleeping Beauty
Uh... is this child pornography? What the heck is this?

My Week With Marilyn
I'll admit that I have zero interest in seeing a biopic about Marilyn Monroe, but if you are interested, this looks like a pretty good one. Michelle Williams sure looks and sounds exactly like her, and the rest of that cast looks awesome. Maybe I'll rent it someday.

Chronicle
Is this an actual movie or just an experiment in special effects? Either way... it looks pretty neat. This is probably one of those movies where just watching the trailer is good enough.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
Um...

Now, I never saw Journey to the Center of the Earth, but I'm pretty sure it was a Brenden Frasier movie, so why does this one have The Rock? Also... Journey 2? We're all of a sudden on a first name basis with Journey to the Center of the Earth? And this is supposed to be an adaptation of The Mysterious Island by Jules Verne? Sight unseen, I'm going to go ahead and call this the most unfaithful adaptation of all time. But it might be worth seeing (or, at least, the trailer is) because Vanessa Hudgens is gorgeous and she spends the entire time walking around in a tank top and shorts.

Shame
I have nothing to say about this movie other than this: Who the hell is Steve McQueen and shouldn't he change his name? This is not "a Steven McQueen film." Bullet is a Steve McQueen film. The Great Escape is a Steve McQueen film. Who the hell is this guy?

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
They're remaking this too?! At least it's not a comedy starring Channing Tatum. Actually, this looks pretty awesome. I'll see it.