Friday, January 25, 2013

More Movie Trailers

Whenever I'm bored, haven't done much else to write about, or just feel lazy, I watch and post my thoughts about trailers for upcoming movies. Don't expect this to take up much time, because I sure didn't find many worth sharing:

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
This isn't a real movie, right? There's no way this is a real movie. I don't even just mean because the premise is idiotic, but because no studio could think any movie starring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Artereton could be a hit. No offense to either of them who are both fine actors, but appearing in the Avengers doesn't mean you can open a movie... unless that movie opens on January 25th. Fair enough.

Anyway, while I was watching this trailer, I kept expecting Bugs Bunny to pop up and go, "Hansel?!"

Olympus Has Fallen
This isn't a real movie, right? There's no way this is a real movie. I don't even mean because the premise is so 1992, but because no studio could think any movie starring Gerard Butler could be a hit. No offense to Gerard Butler who's a fine actor, but... ah fuck it. Fuck you, Gerard Butler. I liked 300, but what has he done since? I'm certainly not gonna see this one.

A Good Day to Die Hard
This movie looks just as stupid as Olympus Has Fallen -- more so, even! -- but the Die Hard series has earned the right to be stupid, and they've been doing stupid for longer and better since before Gerard Butler was waiting tables at the Planet Hollywood in Melbourne.

Wait... is Gerard Butler Australian? Who cares.

Anyway, this looks dumb, but I'll at least rent it.

The Call
Don't watch this trailer because it looks like a totally by the numbers, generic thriller. I'm only posting it so I can ask this question: When did that little girl from Little Miss Sunshine turn hot?

Saving Lincoln
What the fuck is this? This literally looks like something that was filmed in front of a green screen then chopped together in two weeks to cash in on the popularity of that other movie about Lincoln. This has some good actors, but watch this trailer and tell me it doesn't look like the absolute worst movie ever made.

Scary Movie 5
Here's another trailer you shouldn't watch because, frankly, why would you? I'm only posting it so I can point out that Ashley Tisdale has finally reached the point in her career where she's playing a grown woman with a husband and a child. That just blew my fucking mind, man. She's still gorgeous.

But this movie looks almost -- but not quite -- as bad as Saving Lincoln, and it wins if only because it looks dreadful but not pretentious.

Oh... and this will be of interest to absolutely nobody else, but her husband is played by Simon Rex. Remember him?

This doesn't look terrible, but it does sort of look like a made for TNT original movie. And that's fine, and I'll maybe rent it some day or at least watch it when it does come on TNT, if only because Ed Harris and David Duchovny are both cool. Maybe I'll even go see it if it actually opens in a theater somewhere, if only to support these two, both of whom probably need a hit. It'll be hilarious if this film went on to be the highest grossing movie of all time.

It could happen.

I'm torn. On the one hand, Jackie Robinson was a true American hero whose story is one of the most inspiring and indelible in our nation's history. On the other hand, this looks like a pretty mediocre movie. If it gets good reviews, I'll check it out because I like the man and I love a good baseball movie.

The Last Exorcism 2 / The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia
I didn't watch either of these trailers either, but -- again -- I have some questions and observations:

First of all... look at those posters. These are the same movie, right?

Second of all... how can you have a sequel to a movie called The Last Exorcism? They should've at least called it "The Last Exorcism 2: One More Exorcism" or something.

Third of all... how can you have a movie called "The Haunting in Connecticut" that seemingly appears to take place in Georgia? More importantly, why isn't the tagline for this movie, "The Devil went down to Georgia"? Missed opportunity.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
Ok, this one made me laugh. I'm not going to go see it, but I might rent it maybe. Anyway, it might be the one trailer I posted that's worth watching.

 And that's all I got.


Justin Garrett Blum said...

I think I've only seen trailers for that Hansel and Gretel movie. Isn't that out already? I'm not sure. Anyway, yeah...Jeremy Renner...I don't get it. Not a very charismatic actor. Why is he suddenly in everything?

capt.naps said...

I like Jeremy Renner...he seems like a regular guy and he's kind of ugly and yet a leading man. I like that combo...I hate when actors are too good looking, I can't relate.

capt.naps said...

olivia wilde is very pretty but is she playing the love interest for jim and steve? I mean come on hollywood. She's 28 and both those guys are 50. Its like that movie Yes Man where jim Carrey has has the will power to say YES to dating a girl more than half his age.

I can't wait to see Sir Anthony Hopkins to play a love sick teenager trying to ask Selena Gomez to the high school prom.

When I first saw the movie poster I thought it was Sophia Vegeta (or whatever...the lady from Modern Family) at least she's 40...she could be their love interest. Stop being so pervy hollywood and give actresses over 30 some acting gigs