Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Stop Complaining About Christmas Music!
Shut up already! Stop complaining. Just stop. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Since the invention of recording music and department stores, the two have come together every year about this time to fill our airwaves and sonic receptors with Jingle Bells, The Christmas Song, and All I Want For Christmas is You, buy Mariah Carey. Somehow Gimbles used to play that song forty years before Mariah Carey was even born. I don't understand it either. Anyway, my point is that this is not a new thing, and that entire familes have been making it a tradition to complain about this same cliche generation after generation.
And it just has to stop.
You want to know why every store, radio station, elevator, and hurdy gurdy man starts playing nothing but Christmas music? Because it's Christmas and because most people like it. Christmas music is nostalgic, fun, and pretty. And I say this as an atheist.
But I know what you're thinking... "But, Donald, it's not even Thanksgiving yet! It's too early!"
To this I say... what's a few weeks? And, really, even when it's the week before Christmas I hear people complaining about Christmas music. I don't understand this. What even makes Christmas music Christmas music anyway? The fact that it's about Christmas? Who cares? Who listens to lyrics? Bohemian Rhapsody may be a Christmas song for all I know, but I don't because the lyrics make no sense. I've never had a chestnut that was roasted on an open fire. I've never been on a sleigh ride. I've never tried to date rape a girl by convincing her that it was cold outside. These aren't things that in anyway reflect how I have spent the holidays with my family and friends.
But I still like Christmas music because it's fun and pretty and nice. You know... for the same reason I like music.
So stop complaining about Christmas music already. Just think of it as music and enjoy it.
And now you're thinking... "But, Donald, all this music all the time ruins and cheapens the meaning of the holiday."
No it doesn't. How could it? How could any meaningless external thing in any way impact how you choose to celebrate the holiday? It only can if you allow it to. Christmas for me is a time that I spend with my family, all of whom except for my sister and I are spread out across the entire country. Christmas is the one time of year we all somehow strive to get together and spend time as a family. That's what Christmas means to me (I don't know what it means to you, but it's probably something similar and sacred and special, at least I hope so), and no amount of Christmas music can change that. They could start playing Jingle Bells in April for all I care, or Toys r Us could start airing commercials where Joseph and Mary take little baby Jesus to Disney World and it wouldn't ruin Christmas for me.
All Christmas music does is add a nice soundtrack. If you hate Christmas music, maybe you just hate Christmas or just like to complain.
So just stop already and enjoy it or, at the very least, ignore it.
Well, except for any version of Santa Baby or that god awful "Merry Christmas, Baby" by the Beach Boys. Those are just terrible.