Friday, August 20, 2010
On paper, it sounded like a trainwreck: A buddy cop movie starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan that is directed (but not written) by the always mediocre Kevin Smith. So why did I rent it (via Netflix)? I dunno. I thought maybe it would be funny. I like Bruce Willis and I like Tracy Morgan. I mean, I've liked them in other things. The best I could say is that I tolerated them in this. But they did their best.
Here's the plot: Bruce Willis is a cop who can't afford his daughter's lavish, $48,000 wedding, so he is forced to sell his prized possession: A 1953 Andy Pafko baseball card. It gets stolen before he can sell it, so he and his partner, Tracy Morgan, have to track it down in order to pay for his daughter's wedding and take down a Mexian druglord in the process. Got all that? Good, cause we are now going to talk about how stupid that is.
Who cares is Willis can afford the ridiculously expensive wedding for his selfish daughter? After watching scene after scene where he risks his life to find his baseball card -- even getting in league with the villain in order to do so -- we don't care at all about his mission. We just hate his daughter for being such a selfish bitch. Also, her wedding isn't even in jeopardy, because his ex-wife's new husband is willing to pay for the wedding anyway. Willis is only putting his life and his partner's life in needless danger simply because he doesn't want somebody else to pay for a wedding that costs too much anyway. Why didn't they just agree to split it? Or, better yet, don't have such a stupid plot that makes it impossible to care about what's going on.
Or, at least, make sure what is going on is entertaining. Unfortunately, this movie was just as boring and unengaged as it was annoying and infuriating. It wasn't unwatchable, and there were even a few scenes that made me laugh. Afterall, when you have a film with Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, and Seann William Scott, it's going to have some laughs. These three can't not be funny, so when the film has a scene where it's just the three of them sitting in a car, it's funny. But Kevin Smith's horrible direction almost ruined even such a simple set up as three guys in a car.
This movie just sucked.