Saturday, September 13, 2008

Top 10 Deaths from the Indiana Jones Series

The Indiana Jones movies are classics not only for their action, directing, and story lines, but also because they are full of disgusting, horrible, gory deaths. The villains in these films are evil monsters, but they always get what's coming to them, in the most horrible ways possible.

Here's my list of the ten best death scenes from the Indiana Jones movies, in descending order from the merely mildly unpleasant, to the nightmarishly excruciating.

Oh yeah, and... SPOILER WARNING!!

10. Indy Shoots the Cairo Swordsman.
This classic scene is one of the best remembered and most beloved from the entire series. It's just funny, clever, realistic, and helped to cement Indiana Jones as the greatest film character of all time. He just shoots the guy. How awesome was that?


9. Shish Kabob to the Belly
Make that a flaming shish kabob to the belly. The opening to Temple of Doom is probably the coolest scene in the entire series. I can watch that scene over and over again. Not only because it opens in media res, with Indy in an awesome white suite doing some kind of dirty deal with Chinese gangsters, but also because, after he's learned he's just been poisoned, he grabs a flaming shish kabob and throws it into one guy's stomach... with the food still on it!



8. Vogel Dies in a Tank Crash
There are a lot of evil characters in the Indiana Jones films, but Vogel is probably the biggest dickhead. He's just a dick for the sake of being a dick. Toht and the other Nazis seem evil because they probably believe in the evil beliefs of the Nazi party. Vogel seems like he joined the party because he was already a huge dick. So when he goes over the cliff in the tank, and you see that little miniaturized version of him get his head smashed in, it's just such a rewarding moment.

I wish I could've found video footage of it, but alas.

7. Mola Ram Dies
Mola Ram falls off a collapsed bridge, bangs his head repeatedly on the cliffs on the way down, and then gets eaten by crocodiles on the bottom. That would be too much to fit on a tombstone.

6. Thuggee Gets Crushed to Death
This isn't a great fight scene. The choreography is weak, the pacing is off, and whole thing just feels fake. But that guy's death is so horrible. The fight takes place on a long conveyor belt leading to some kind of giant rock crusher. Or something. Guess who gets pulverized?

5. Propeller to the Face
Another classic scene. This is basically just five minutes of Indiana Jones getting his ass kicked by a German next to a spinning airplane. Indy finally gets lucky and the German accidentally walks face first into a spinning propeller. It's a great "punchline" for one of the best fight scenes ever.

Oh, and here's some trivia... the actor, Pat Roach, is also the actor who got crushed to death on they conveyor belt in that last death scene. He deserves some kind of lifetime achievement award.




4. Donovan Chooses... Poorly
The right grail gives you eternal life, the wrong one takes it from you. That's what that old knight said. What he should've said, to better prepare Walter Donovan before he took a sip, was that the wrong cup would actually turn you into a horrific skeleton before you disintigrate into dust.


3. Eaten by Fire Ants
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull only gets one mention on this list, but it's a pretty good one. Indy and a big Russian guy have a knock-down fight scene in the jungle, surrounded by man-eating fire ants. Indy finally manages to beat the russian, who falls into a pile of ants... who quickly climb over him, into his mouth, and then drag him along into their lair. It's a ridiculous, unbelievable, revolting scene. So it was a great Indiana Jones moment.

And since the film is still in theatres, I don't want to put up any clips on my website. Just go see it.

2. Toht's Face Melts
The power of god is some series shit. Sure, that other guy's face melts too, and Belloc's head explodes, but there's something about the slow motion shot of Toht's face melting off that's just fantastic. You couldn't ask for a worse death for such a delightfully horrible character.



1. That Guy Who Gets His Heart Ripped Out of His Chest
Seriously, is there a worse way to die than having your heart ripped out, shown to you, and then being dipped in lava... all while you're somehow still alive? I mean... damn.

2 comments:

Sagittarius G.Trinko said...

Yes, I totally agree with you.
Except I would have also added three other scenes, including:
1)The very start of Raiders of the Lost Ark, when that Guide tricks Junior into throwing him the Idol, tries to avoid a potentially lethal trap in the exit, and gets skewered for everyone to see. Painful and embarrassing.
2) Test engine.
The Russian soldier who later got eaten by fire ants messed with Junior before, and while they were beating each other up the Russian accidentally strikes the control desk, which ignites the engine and flings Junior and the soldier across the desert.
It also sets the pursuing soldiers on fire. That is actually funny, because those dudes just basically walked into the fire.
3)
Too much knowledge!
Spalko asks for too much, and eventually gets burned to ashes by the alien, who OBVIOUSLY didn't like her.

Sagittarius G.Trinko said...

Yes, I totally agree with you.
Except I would have also added three other scenes, including:
1)The very start of Raiders of the Lost Ark, when that Guide tricks Junior into throwing him the Idol, tries to avoid a potentially lethal trap in the exit, and gets skewered for everyone to see. Painful and embarrassing.
2) Test engine.
The Russian soldier who later got eaten by fire ants messed with Junior before, and while they were beating each other up the Russian accidentally strikes the control desk, which ignites the engine and flings Junior and the soldier across the desert.
It also sets the pursuing soldiers on fire. That is actually funny, because those dudes just basically walked into the fire.
3)
Too much knowledge!
Spalko asks for too much, and eventually gets burned to ashes by the alien, who OBVIOUSLY didn't like her.