Star Wars Kinect: I'm Han Solo

Apparently there is a Star Wars dancing game on the Kinect. This is more embarassing than the Star Wars Holiday Special:

Funko Friday: Mystery Minis

Don and Jester start buying a LOT of Funko Mystery Minis. They're pretty awesome.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

The highest praise I can give to these Marvel movies is that every new one has become my favorite Marvel movie. This movie isn't quite as epic in scope as the Avengers -- nor is it probably as entertaining -- but it's probably the best constructed Marvel film yet, with the best cast and the most emotionally satisfying story arc. This is just a straight up awesome comic book movie, and I highly recommend any fan check it out on the big screen.

I really liked the first Captain America film, but with some reservations. Storywise it was a bit weak, with the second half really failing to live up to the opening origin sequence. It worked because Chris Evans was so great as Captain America. This one works because it's just a good movie. Of course, Chris Evans is still great as Captain America, solidifying himself as the king of Comic Book movies, since just off the top of my head I can think of about seven he's starred in, which must be some kind of record. Even more impressive is that, almost without exception, he's the best thing in every one of them. What can you say about an actor who nailed both the Human Torch and Captain America? I can't think of a single actor about whom both of those casting choices make sense and could actually work. I would even go so far as to say that Chris Evans as Captain America is the first perfect casting in a comic book movie since Christopher Reeve played Superman.

Anyway, I like Chris Evans.

I liked the rest of the cast too, especially Anthony Mackie who shows up in his first appearance in a Marvel movie, and nearly steals the entire series away from every other Avenger, and I'm no joking. I was skeptical about the inclusion of Falcon, not because I didn't think that the character is a perfect partner for Captain America, but just because I didn't trust the movie to not fuck it up. After nearly ten Marvel movies, I should've been more trusting. Mackie was great, not just because he's a fabulous actor, but because the character was so well written and his chemistry with Evans was just incredible. The filmmakers made the smart decision to omit any kind of tacked on love subplot and let the friendship between these two heroes be the dominant relationship that carried the film. The film actually opens with the two men meeting, and even though it's just two dudes talking, it could've gone on for the entire film and I would've enjoyed it. That's how good these two guys are.

We've also got the return of Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow. Her debut as the character was shoe-horned into Iron Man 2 for some reason, but luckily for her that movie was such a mess nobody even remembers how lame she was. Then she showed up in the Avengers movie, and while she wasn't bad, she just didn't stand out amongst Gods and Iron Men. She just didn't have much of a hook to her character, and some how the fact that she outsmarted Loki was more unbelievable to me than anything else in the film. But for whatever reason, she finally clicks here. The performance is the same, but the actress is given more to do, and the character is given a sense of vulnerability and humanity that she lacked previously. She's actually shown to be the enigma she is in the comics, and skirts the boundaries of right and wrong. Also, Johansson is more gorgeous and sexy than ever, for whatever that's worth.

Then there's Sam Jackson once again as Nick Fury, who at this point in the series is just phoning it in, but that's ok because even a weak performance by Sam Jackson is better than most Oscar-winning performances by anybody else. The best sequence in the entire film (perhaps even the entire Marvel series) was the set piece where the assassins try to break into Nick Fury's armored SUV.  Robert Redford also shows up, and he's still insanely handsome and is probably the only actor on the planet who out-cools Sam Jackson. I also really liked the guy who played the Winter Soldier, whoever he was.

Action-wise, this movie was off the hook. More than any action film in recent memory, there were real stunts, actual car-crashes, and a distinct lack of CG through-out. The fight scenes in particular were fantastic because they actually looked and felt like two people fighting, albeit stylized in a comic book fashion. There's actually a fight between Captain American and Batroc the Leaper, and it's every bit as cool as that sounds (if you're a comic book geek, that is). It was directed by two guys named Anthony and Joe Russo, who I've never heard of before, but they nailed it.

I even liked the story, because it made sense, was possible to follow, and actually had moments of real suspense. I can't remember anything about the stories from the Iron Man movies. I've never read the Winter Soldier storyline from the comics, but I remember hearing about it when it was announced and thinking to myself, "that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Well, I can't comment on how faithful this was to the original story or that character, but I didn't think it was dumb at all. I thought it was really clever and really cool. I actually thought the Winter Soldier was one of the coolest villains I've seen in any comic book movie. I'm not going to spoil anything, but when his identity was revealed, the guy in the seat behind me actually gasped. I just thought that was funny.

If I have any complaints at all about this movie, it's that Captain America's costume still sucks. Why is this so hard? Richard Donner nailed the Superman Costume, then Tim Burton nailed the Batman costume, and then... nothing. Why has every costume since then sucked? The film actually opens with Captain America in a really cool looking costume, but it's not one I've ever seen, but then again, I haven't read the comics in close to a decade. At the end he puts on the costume from the first film, which worked as a part of the story, but I much preferred the costume from the Avengers, even though that one still was garish and over designed. For most of the film, it's just Chris Evans in street clothes swinging around his shield, which is weird for a comic book film, but actually preferable to the awful costume he finally puts on.

So... go check it out. It's awesome.

So Awkward: Danbo Kit

Jester attempts to put together a Danbo kit she bought online. It's not easy, but it is very, very awkward.

Jobs

Remember this movie? It's the one that got made because somebody in Hollywood realized that if you put a beard on Ashton Kutcher, he kind of looks like Steve Jobs. Actually, I'm probably not being fair to the film: When you put a beard on Ashton Kutcher, he really looks like Steve Jobs. Talks like him too. And walks like him. There are sequences in this film where the camera follows behind Ashton Kutcher as he's walking through the halls of Apple and you'd swear it's actually footage of Steven Jobs himself. That's not much of a hook on which to base a film, however, which is why this film about the founder of Apple feels a little... rotten. Ha ha ha.

But seriously, it's not a bad film, it's just a made-for-tv level biopic that somehow got released in theaters. It's entertaining and it's good if all you want is a peripheral, rushed view of the life of Steve Jobs and the impact he had on Apple Computers. If, however, you want to really learn about the man or the impact his company had not only on Computers but on Western society as a whole, it falls flat. Steve Jobs was one of the most pivotal, polarizing, influential, and important creators of one of the most fertile generations the world has yet scene, but that doesn't mean his life story translates to a great film. After all, not everybody's life is Shakespearean. But this film could've tried a little harder.

Structurally, it's just too rushed and kind of disjointed to have any real dramatic impact. We learn a bit about Apple, but only Apple, and if we don't see a view of the computer industry as a whole, how are we supposed to understand how much they changed it? There's one scene where Steve Jobs calls Bill Gates to complain about how he thought Windows was a copy of his Operating System, threatening to sue him and ruin his company, but that's the only mention of Gates or Microsoft. Hey... how did that lawsuit turn out? Did Microsoft go out of business?

Then there's the moment where Jobs was ousted from the company he formed, and then literally five minutes later he's brought back on as the CEO. That was five minutes on screen, but over a decade in real life. I remember when Steve Jobs came back to Apple. It was huge. You just can't get that impact when his exile and eventual return encompass ten minutes of the film. There was also this weird interlude near the end of the film that shows Jobs at him with his wife and kids, which I honestly thought was a dream sequence because these family members had never been shown before, or, if they were, I must've been day dreaming or something.

But there were moments of brilliance in the film, mostly dealing with Jobs's early attempts to sell various venture capitalists on investing in Apple. His growth from a lost hippie to a marketing genius was entirely believable, mostly based on the strength of Kutcher's performance. Nobody is ever going to call Kutcher a great actor, but he really did capture something of the essence of Jobs, not entirely and not throughout, but often enough to let you understand why so many people worshiped his leadership. Unfortunately the rest of the cast was mostly wasted on underwritten caricatures of actual people. The guy who played Woz, for example, was just some random fat guy with a beard. He was ok, but nowhere near as charming and brilliant as the real Woz.

Overall, the movie was fine and held my interest, but I don't feel as though I learned anything about Jobs or Apple that I didn't already know. In fact, I kind of felt as though had I not already known a fair amount about both, I maybe would've been completely lost. It just didn't really come together as a whole, with a story that was rushed and felt like a cliff notes version of a man's life. But I still say it's worth checking out because Kutcher really nailed it, and even though you don't learn much about the man, it did give a sense of what it was like to be around him, and that's pretty cool.

The Wolf of Wall Street

Remember years ago when David Spade used to do those Hollywood Minute bits on SNL? There was one where he "reviewed" the then newly released film Casino by saying, "I liked it better the first time... when it was called Goodfellas." Anyway, that's all I could think about while watching the now newly released film the Wolf of Wall Street. This movie was ok. It's worth watching. I liked it, but... well... I just liked it better the first time, when it was called Goodfellas.

Of course Spade was making a jest at the similarities between Goodfellas and Casino, since both were Martin Scorsese-directed mob pictures starring Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci, but at heart both were very different films... but this one is Goodfellas. No, it's not about the mob and DeNiro and Pesci are nowhere to be found, but scene for scene and beat for beat it's pretty much the same film. Except while Goodfellas was great, this one was just ok. I maybe preferred Goodfellas because it was more fresh and original and unlike anything anybody had ever made before, or maybe I just preferred it because the mafia is a more interesting -- or at least entertaining -- subject matter.

I know why the mafia are bad people. Wall street... I don't know anything about Wall Street, and this film didn't really teach me anything. Maybe I wasn't paying attention enough, or maybe it's just that I'm dumb, but I never really followed much of the actual Wall Street wheeling and dealings. The film details an extensive FBI investigation into a Wall Street trader, but I never knew what he was doing to break the law. He did lots of drugs and banged lots of whores, but what was illegal? All they ever said was that he broke the law and made illegal deals, but I didn't really know what laws were broken or how the deals were illegal. So at the end of the day, I never really cared much, which is too bad.

Also, it's a three hour movie, with at least half of that time just spent on people getting high and banging whores. It was all fun and entertaining, but I dunno. I just never cared much about the story, and every main character was so awful it just got hard to watch. But Martin Scorsese sure knows how to keep a story moving, even when that story is ultimately hollow.

Comic-A-Thon Part 11: Batman and Robin

I don't hate this one as much as everybody else, but lord knows it's awful:

So Awkward: Taco Bell Breakfast

I tried the new breakfast menu at Taco Bell so you don't have to: