Machete

This movie was ok.

There isn't much to say about a feature length film that was based on a fake movie trailer. As far as these things go, it was as well done an adaptation as could be expected, but that isn't to say it was all that great. It certainly had a lot of pretty girls taking their clothes off, and maybe more decapitations than any other film I'm ever seen. After about the fifteen decapitation, however, it started to get boring. This was the kind of movie that would've been a rip-roaring good time had it been only an hour and fifteen minutes or so, but since it was actually about an hour and fifty, it just over stayed its welcome and felt like a chore.

But it's definitely entertaining, for the most part, what with all the pretty girls and the heads flying off. Director Robert Rodriguez certainly knows how to stage a fun action sequence, and he always assembles fun casts that give fun performances. It's difficult to say how much Robert Rodriguez did on this movie, however, since he is only credited as co-director, along with some guy named Ethan Maniquis. I'm guessing that their collaboration consisted of Rodriguez calling the set and saying something along the lines of, "Today you should film a fight scene where Machete chops off a bunch of guys' heads and shit," and then Maniquis would go and film that. All things considered, it was a perfectly adequately directed movie, but maybe it would've been more fun and excited had Rodriguez actually directed it himself.

The star of the film is long-time Rodriguez player Danny Trejo. Trejo is always dependable and fun to watch as a heavy, but he really proved in this movie that he's incapable of carrying a film all by himself. Jessica Alba is a fine actress in her own right, but even her stunning good looks (and, frankly, there's nobody sexier in the world than her) didn't do much to elevate Trejo's one-note performance. I like Trejo and think he's awesome as a supporting actor in a movie like Predators, but he just lacks any kind of real charisma and gravitas needed to carry an entire movie. The supporting actors were all really great too -- including notable names like Linday Lohan, Don Johnson, Jeff Fahey, and Robert DeNerio(!!!) -- but none of them were really given much to do. The best of the lot was actually Steven Segal, who was really fun as the main villain.

So... this movie was ok. Check it out for the shot of Jessica Alba naked in the shower (you don't see anything, but even her side is better than a full frontal shot of any other woman), and maybe for all the heads flying off, but you might get bored after the first 45 minutes or so. I sure did.