Happy Birthday, Kristin Kreuk

 Remember her? Well, she's still cute, and she's one year older today.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is kind of like the cinematic equivalent of having a meal at T.G.I. Fridays. The food isn't all that great, but there is so much shit thrown up on the walls that it's still fun to just sit there and check it all out. There will be a Mike Schmidt rookie card hanging next to a poster for a Vincent Price Movie handing next to a Big Mouth Billy Bass. I don't know why or what connect or purpose those things serve, but it's fun to see them all together. Scott Pilgrim is a movie that feels and sounds like a videogame programmed to look like a cartoon that reads like a comic book. I didn't really care for this movie, just as I don't really care for the cuisine at Fridays, but it was a perfectly satisfying meal all the same, even if I'd never want to do it again.

This movie is about... well... nothing really. Michael Cera plays Scott Pilgrim (with the same performance he used to play the kid from Arrested Development, the kid from Juno, and the kid from whatever else he's been in), who meets a girl and then has to fight her exboyfriends. And that's it. Sure, there are some other little details here and there, such as the fact that his band enters some contest, his friends ostensibly have other things going on, but it all is little more than a vehicle for the insane videogame style fight scenes that play out just like something form Tekken, Street Fighter 2, or Smash Brothers. These scenes are very neat and clever, but all things considered, they were little more than window dressing in search of a better movie. I just didn't like the main character (I'm suppose to root for some jerk who's cheating on his girlfriend?), and I had no emotional investment in his supposed heroic quest to get the girl.

The movie is something of a masterpiece in terms of visual design, however, and I have no doubt that the end result is exactly the film director Edgar Wright intended to make. This is a phenomenal looking movie with amazing special effects, funny musical queues and sound motifs taken from various videogames, and lots of visual razzle dazzle like I've never seen before. But it just wasn't very good. I just didn't care about and of the characters and the story lacked a main narrative thrust that was strong enough to really give me any reason to keep going. I only kept watching because it's a neat looking movie, and because it had a bunch of pretty girls. Then again, maybe that's enough.

The soundtrack was also really great. As I mentioned about, the music queues and sound effects were mostly taken from old Nintendo games, but all of the music was also great as well. The main character is in a band, and all of the music they play, as well as the music by the other bands, is awesome and a lot of fun. 

Oh, and it's also worth watching for Brandon Routh (of Superman fame), who was amazing. He appeared late in the movie and then disappeared as soon as Scott Pilgrim defeated him. But that whole section of the movie was my favorite part, and Routh was so funny and charismatic that it almost made the entire film worth watching. Also fun but nowhere near as good as Routh were what's his name from Rushmore and Chris Evans.

Two thumbs... in the middle. It's worth checking out, and it's entertaining enough, but it left me feeling cold.

Happy Birthday, Stan Lee

 Excelsior and a happy birthday to the all time greatest comic book super hero, the real life Stan Lee. There's nobody cooler or whom I hold more in awe. Let's hope this is just the 88th birthday of many more to come.

Christmarathon Recap

Well, I made it. I said I was going to review a different Christmas movie every day leading up to Christmas, and I actually managed to pull it off. Ok, actually I originally said I was going to post a review everyday during the month of December, but as I got closer to Christmas, I realized that made no sense. Who wants to read Christmas reviews after Christmas? I certainly wouldn't want to write any after that. Christmas day seemed like the logical end point, so that's where I cut things off, and I'm a lot happier for it. Sure, it meant that there were a couple of movies that I had originally planned to include that I had to cut out, but it also meant that I didn't go completely insane. Turns out, this was a lot of work.

Anyway, just for fun (and to satisfy my own curiousity), here are some completely pointless statistics and observations about my Christmarathon:

Movies Reviewed: 20

TV Episodes / Specials: 7 (and that's including both episodes of MST3K)

Movies I had previously seen: 13

Movies that were new to me: 14

Video Reviews Created: 6

Most Popular Review: A Christmas Carol (1999): 90 views so far.

Most Popular Video: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure: 1,410 views so far, but only 6 comments.

Least Popular Video: Santa Paws: It has no "likes" and one "dislike."

Longest Video: Bikini Bloodbath Christmas at 7 minutes and 52 seconds.

Best Movie I had previously seen: It's a Wonderful Life

Best Movie that was new to me: Joyeux Noel

Worst Movie: I'm going to go with Four Christmases, since it was just so mean-spirited and because it was made my lots of talented people who should've known better. Lord knows Bikini Bloodbath Christmas was terrible, but I think that was the intention.

Movies Reviewed Based on A Christmas Carol: 5 (That's including the It's Always Sunny episode, which only loosely ties into a Christmas Carol, but it was still worth including in the overall total.)

Movies I wanted to Review but couldn't: I really wanted to review Jingle All the Way, but it was a super long wait on Netflix so they never sent it, even though it was at the top of my queue all month. I suppose I should be thankful. Same thing with the Michael Keaton movie Jack Frost. I definitely wanted to put together a video review of that piece of crap, but Netflix never sent it. I wanted to review that episode of Tales From the Crypt where the killer dressed as Santa Claus terrorizes that woman, but it turned out there wasn't much to say, even though it is a great episode of the show that is well worth watching. I'm sure I'll discuss it at some point when I do a major post about Tales From the Crypt.

Oh, and I actually sat through the entire Star Wars Holiday Special, and then I learned that it actually premiered in November, so the holiday referred to in the title would more accurately be considered Thanksgiving. I was going to review it anyway, but I ran out of time. I will do a video review of this at some point in 2011, since it has to be seen to be believed.

Personal Favorite Review: I was happy with how my review of It's a Wonderful Life turned out, but I was also pretty proud of the editing job I did on my Emmet Otter video.

And that's all. Thanks for reading and for watching, everybody. I'm glad it's over and I can get back to real life.

Christmarathon Day 25: Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas

Welcome to the last day of my Christmas movie marathon. I hope everybody is having a wonderful holiday, and that everybody enjoyed the Christmarathon. Thanks for reading!

Christmarathon Day 24: It's a Wonderful Life

I'm actually going to keep this one short and sweet, since there's nothing I can say about this movie that a million people haven't already said a million times already.

It's a Wonderful Life isn't just my favorite Christmas movie, but a strong contender for my all time favorite movie over all. It contains the absolute best performance by my absolute favorite actor Jimmy Stewart, and it tells a story so powerful and heartfelt that it makes me cry every time I watch, no matter what. I'd rank this movie right up there with Field of Dreams as the most likely to make even the most stone cold man break down in tears. George Bailey is too honorable and admirable to really be considered an "every man," but he's definitely the man that every man wishes he could be.

They later remade this movie and reversed the genders by having the main character be a woman played by Marlo Thomas. "It Happened One Christmas" was a fine film that used to play all the time when I was a kid, but if you haven't seen it by now, you probably never will. It happened to be made right as the original was being rediscovered by a new, perhaps more mature audience who could more related to the dark, honest story presented in the film, so the remake all but vanished. And that's fine, since the original is an absolutely perfect film that never should've been remade in the first place. It's just... special. Bailey's pain as he watches his hopes and dreams fade away is something any person who's ever been lonely or learned for more can relate to. And his joy at the end as he realizes how loved and alive he really is is something that anybody who's ever been loved or happy can relate to as well. It's the kind of film that makes you cry at one moment because you're sad, and the next moment because you're happy.

I have never seen a better moment in a film than the scene where George Bailey is on the bridge near the end of It's a Wonderful Life. I've never seen anything that was better written, better directed, or better acted. I have watched this movie dozens upon dozens of times over the course of my life and it never fails to bring me to tears. I have watched this film during moments of my life when I was happy, during times when I was sad, and even during some times when I was just as close to standing on my own bridge. If there has ever been a moment in film that has more honestly captured a moment in the life of every man who has ever been alive, I sure haven't seen it.

George Bailey isn't the greatest hero in movie history because he decided to save Clarence instead of taking his own life, and he certainly isn't a hero because he set aside his own hopes and dreams in order to serve the town of Bedford Falls. George Bailey is a hero because even though he never became the man that he wanted to be, he learned to embrace the fact that he became the man that the people he loved needed him to be. His wasn't a wonderful life because his dreams came true or because he was loved or even because he was happy, but because his life did matter, and because the people around him were all the better because of what he did.

And if you can watch this movie and not break down, well, you must be named Potter.

Christmarathon Day 23: Bikini Bloodbath Christmas

I make an appearance in this one, and yes, I regret it. Don't watch this if there are kids in the room, since there is some strong language and some unsettling imagery.

Christmarathon Day 22: MST3K Xmas Bonanza

These are probably going to be the two worst films I'll mention during the entirety of my Christmas movie marathon, but they're also the two that are the most worth watching. The movies themselves are terrible and completely unwatchable, but they were both used for episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000, so that was how I first saw them, and that's the only way anybody would be able to sit through them at all.

If you have never seen or heard of MST3K, it's a show that takes old, terrible movies, and has their cast make jokes as it plays in the background. It's a hard concept to explain if you've never seen it, but it's my all time favorite TV show that doesn't have the words Star or Trek in the title. At it's best, it's brilliantly funny, and they are at their best when the movies on which they are riffing are at their worst. Over the course of the show, they did two Christmas movies, both of which are as bad as anything they've ever done, and they'd done the worst movies in the history of mankind. That was pretty much their thing.

Santa Claus Conquers The Martians is a movie about, well, Santa Claus conquering the Martians. Some Martians kidnap Santa and bring him back to Mars because they want him to bring presents to the children of their planet. It's every bit as dumb as it sounds, with horrible production values, laughable acting, and terrible dialogue. It sucks.

The MST3K episode is from the third season, and features Joel as the main guy. It's a movie that seems made to be mocked, and Joel and the bots do a great job. It's a very, very funny episode. It's interesting how they go on and on about how one of the kids in this movie is played by a very young Pia Zadora, considering how nobody today remembers who the hell Pia Zadora was anyway. Joel and his cohorts from Cinematic Titanic redid this film, doing mostly the same style of jokes and riffing. I haven't seen that, but I'm sure it's funny too.

And if you thought Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was awful, check out Santa Claus, a Mexican Christmas movie with some of the oddest mythology ever presented on film. Santa Claus as his team of children have to go up against the Devil, who is attempting to seduce children all across Mexico into doing evil deeds. This movie is beyond weird, featuring a Santa Claus who lives in space and spies on the children of the world with a giant telescope that has giant eyelashes. I mean, having Santa Clause fight Martians is all well and good, but when you bring the devil into the equation, things just get too weird. Shouldn't God or Jesus step in at that point?

But this episode of MST3K is amazing. It's without a doubt my all time favorite episode from the entire series. It's crazy funny and a perfect jumping on point for anybody who has never seen the show before. The episode is from the fifth season so it features Mike as the main guy. I'll always love Joel, but I'm a die hard Mike Nelson fan through and through. His style is just funnier to me, and he's never been better than he was in this episode.

Both episodes are available to watch on youtube (along with seemingly every other episode of MST3K), and they are well worth checking out if you want to laugh while enjoying some Christmas cheer. They also both inspired two great alternative Christmas songs:

Christmarathon Day 21: Rich Little's Christmas Carol

You didn't see this one coming, did ya?

In 1978, HBO premiered the holiday special Rich Little's Christmas Carol, and then they played it over and over again every year. This was back when HBO was still new and they didn't have a whole lot of programming. This was way before True Blood and the Sopranos. Hell, this was way before Dream On and Tales From the Crypt. Back then HBO had a few Shannon Tweed movies, Fraggle Rock, that tv movie about Terry Fox, and Rich Little's Christmas Carol. My siblings and I used to watch it every time it was on, which was just about every day during the month of December from 1978 til about 1986.

Rewatching it now with an adult perspective, I have no idea why I loved this so much when I was a kid. I don't mean to say that the humor doesn't hold up or that it's not funny -- it's quite funny, actually, in an old school, vaudevillian sort of way -- but I just don't know why kids who grew up in the late 70s and early 80s would have enjoyed a one man show featuring Rich Little doing impressions that would've been out of date even when my parents were kids.

The entire special is composed of Rich Little doing every character from A Christmas Carol as one of the impressions he used to do in his stand up act. Here is the complete rundown taken from Wikipedia:

• W. C. Fields as Ebenezer Scrooge §
• Paul Lynde as Bob Cratchit
• Johnny Carson as Fred
• Laurel and Hardy as the two solicitors §
• Richard Nixon as Jacob Marley
• Humphrey Bogart as the Ghost of Christmas Past §
• Groucho Marx as Fezziwig §
• James Stewart as Dick Wilkins
• Peter Falk as Columbo as the Ghost of Christmas Present
• Jean Stapleton as Edith Bunker as Mrs. Cratchit
• Truman Capote as Tiny Tim
• Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau as the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come
• James Mason, George Burns and John Wayne as the three businessmen
• Jack Benny as a boy §

Why would I have enjoyed impressions of people like W. C. Fields, Paul Lynde, Truman Capote, and Jack Benny? I don't think I even knew who most of those people were when I was that age. Nowadays I love that style of old school comedy and recognize that Rich Little's impressions are spot on. But as a six year old kid I was really cracking up at Rich Little doing James Mason and Peter Falk? Apparently so. To that I say, good job, Mr. Little. I loved it as a kid, and I mostly enjoyed it as an adult. It's available to watch in its entirety on Youtube, and it's worth checking out if you want to see some spot-on impressions of the above mentioned people. If not, try to find some old episodes of Dream On instead.

Christmarathon Day 20: Ernest Saves Christmas

I don't care what anybody says, Ernest Saves Christmas is a damn good movie. In fact, all of the Ernest movies are great. Well, some of them are great, anyway. But they're all watchable and a lot of fun. Ernest Goes to Jail is my all time favorite in the series, but this one is a close second, and it's certainly one of my all time favorite Christmas movies. And, as I said, I don't care what anybody else says.

Ernest gets no respect. I don't just mean in his movies, where all of the characters hold him in contempt and treat him as though he's a complete moron who destroys everything he touches (and, on this matter, they're right), but moviegoers seem to feel the same way. Can anybody tell me why everybody loves Pee Wee Herman and thinks that his TV shows and movies are works of genius, but everybody hates Ernest? They're the same damn character, only Jim Varney is funnier and more talented than Paul Reubens. That isn't to say anything negative about Paul Reubens, since I think he's very talented, but Jim Varney is amazing. If there was any justice in this world, Jim Varney would've been heralded as a comedy genius before he died of cancer a few years ago. Know wad I mean?

But we were talking about Ernest Saves Christmas, which is as great a showcase for Varney's talents as any other movie he's ever been in. The story is about... You know what? I'll let Ernest tell you all about that:



That about sums it up right there. Did you think that was funny? Then go rent Ernest Saves Christmas, because it's awesome. Did you think that clip was awful? Well, pardon my french, but get the hell off my blog!

The last thing I'll say about this movie is how I remember having a huge crush on the main girl back when it first came out. I thought she was a total hottie, and I used to watch this movie over and over for her as much as for the comedy stylings of Ernest P. Worell. Rewatching it as an adult, I definitely enjoyed the comedy more than I did the girl. And I'm not just saying that because I'm an adult and she's a kid, since she was actually a twenty-something year old woman playing a teenage kid. I'm saying that because she was so friggin' annoying and unlikable. She was basically the Jar Jar Binks of Ernest Saves Christmas.

But it's still an awesome movie. Two thumbs up!

Christmarathon Day 19: Gremlins

Christmarathon Day 18: Lethal Weapon / Die Hard

Yeah, that's right.

In the late 80s to mid 90s, there were two action movie franchises that reigned supreme: Lethal Weapon and Die Hard. They were like the Iron Chefs of the action film genre. They both came out around 1988/87, they both took place on Christmas, they both spawned series that spanned four installments, and they were both totally feakin' awesome.

It's hard to remember how great both films were when looking back today, since the sequels got progressively worse and worse, until both series become something of a joke. Die Hard fairs a bit better, if only because the sequels were more successful and fun, and I guess because nobody really likes Mel Gibson anymore. You might say America has gotten too old for his shit. Anyway, Die Hard and Lethal Weapon are two bad ass Christmas films that should be required viewing every season for die hard fans (pardon the pun) of action films.