Comic Book Movie Round-Up (Part I)

Just because I can, I'm going to give my brief thoughts on every movie I've ever seen that was based on a comic book. I'm guessing this will be multi-part, take forever, and probably go unfinished. But let's see how it goes. I'm only going to talk about the films I've seen, obviously, and the list will be in alphabetical order because I'm going off of this -- except for when I talk about a series, in which case I will discuss them in chronological order.

Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts, or just to let me know if I missed anything. Also, I'm only going to discuss live-action movies. I'm not a big animation fan, and I will leave TV series for their own post some other day.

Let's go:

30 Days of Night: I didn't love this. Great premise about vampires living in Alaska where nights can last months at a time, but it just wasn't all that fun or scary. I've also never read the comic book. I've glanced at it, but the artwork seemed too abstract and off-putting.

300: Cool comic, even better movie. This seems to be one of those love it or hate it movies, but I loved it. It had a cool story, fun actors, awesome action sequences, and incredibly visuals. This is why I go to the movies.

Barb Wire: Remember this movie? Remember the comic? This was a bad comic that premiered at the launch of Dark Horse's failed superhero imprint "Comics Greatest World." This one got a movie because it had a main character with big breasts. Not a whole lot to hang a plot on, so it sucked. The comic book -- and entire line -- vanished as well.

Batman (1966): This was the Adam West film based off of the 1960s TV series. If you loved the show, you'll love this movie. I did and I do. It's very campy and very tongue in cheek, but it's also very funny and very entertaining. Great movie.

Batman (1989): Tim Burton's Batman film was probably my generation's Star Wars. It was huge, it was everywhere, and it transcended cinema and comic books. It was a phenomenon even more than just a movie... but it still holds up in my opinion. There were some wacky ideas that didn't really make sense or fit the character, but all in all it was a gorgeous movie with an amazing cast and awesome set pieces. This is probably my favorite comic book movie of all time. And, yeah, I think Michael Keaton was the best Batman and Jack was the best Joker.

Batman Returns: After the phenomenal success of the first Batman, Tim Burton was able to do whatever he wanted with the sequel, so he just went insane. This is seriously one of the weirdest films ever produced by a major Hollywood studio. How else can you explain how the Penguin went from being a character who was short and fat and wore a tuxedo... to a disgusting fish man who drools bile and lives in a sewer? I just don't get it. But I still like this movie because it's funny, great looking, and has a cool cast. But boy is it weird.

Batman Forever: And then Tim Burton passed the franchise over to Joel Schumacher and things got ever weirder. All in all, I like this movie ok. Jim Carrey is fun to watch as the Riddler and Val Kilmer was a fairly decent, if bland, Batman. But it's pretty dumb.

Batman and Robin: This movie is not without its charm, but you'll never hear anybody else say that. This is probably the most reviled and despised comic book film of all time -- not only because it was so bad, but because it all but ended the Batman film franchise for the next decade or so. It's a bad film, it's completely over the top, moronically stupid, and George Clooney sucks as Batman. But still... I kind of like it. It makes me smile. And Arnold as Mr. Freeze always makes me laugh.

Batman Begins: It's me against the world on this one, but I didn't enjoy this movie at all. I'm not a fan of Christian Bale's performance and I just didn't buy director Chris Nolan's interpretation of the character. Also, the story was dumb and the action sequences were some of the worst I've ever seen. Still, it was a huge hit and people loved it.

The Dark Knight: I liked this one even less than Batman Begins, but it went on to be one of the most successful movies of all time so what do I know? I just know it was pretentious, over written, and featured a main character that wasn't anything like the Batman from the comics I grew up reading. Still, the action sequences are better this time around and Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker is deservedly well praised and worth watching. Still... I dunno. I'm not a fan.

Blade: After Batman, this is my favorite comic book film series. Actually, this is probably my favorite comic book film series, considering how they are all great while only the first Batman film was actually all that good. Anyway, this movie is awesome. It stars Wesley Snipes as a vampire slayer. It has kick ass action, a great cast, and a dark, moody tone that really sucks you in. Pardon the pun.

Blade 2: This movie is amazing. It took everything that made the first Blade so great and kicked it all up ten million notches. The special effects are better, the fight scenes are among the best I've ever seen in any movie, and the story is epic. It's also kind of dumb and makes no sense, but who cares because it's so damn fun. This is the best movie in the Blade series and one of the best comic book movies ever.

Blade Trinity: This movie was a step down after Blade 2, but I still like it a lot. It's funny and entertaining, but the story is weak, the guy who plays Dracula was so lame, and the ensemble cast downplayed Blade way too much. Still, Ryan Reynolds is funny and Jessica Biel is super hot... but where's Blade?! Long-time series writer stepped in as director, and he maybe wasn't the best choice. Still, I like it.

Bulletproof Monk: Fun movie. Never read the comic. Worth checking out, but don't run to the videostore or anything.

Captain America (1990): I remember reading about this film's production in Stan Lee's Bullpen Bulletins when I was a kid. According to him, it was going to be just about the best movie ever made. Well, it wasn't. At some point, Stan just stopped writing about it and it just disappeared. I don't know if it ever came out, but I finally saw it years later on TV. And it's awful. This is pretty much the vanguard of bad comic book movies. Captain America was played by Matt Salinger, who was more famous for being the son of J.D. Salinger. I'm pretty sure this film was the reason why his father became such a notorious recluse.

Catwoman: Now this is a bad movie. I have it on this list if only because it shares a name with the comic book character, but the similarities certainly end there. Nothing else about this film is even remotely based upon any comic book featuring the character called Catwoman. And even forgetting all that, this is just a terrible movie.

Constantine: I've always been more of a Marvel guy than a DC guy, so I don't know a whole lot about John Constantine. I've seen him in a few comics, but I've never read any issues of his solo comic Hellblazer. Having said that, I liked this movie. I thought it had a cool story and some neat ideas. Still, had I been a huge fan of the character, I probably would've been annoyed with the casting of Keanu as the blond, British John Constantine. It's worth checking out.

The Crow: Overrated but still pretty entertaining. The Crow is notable for being the last film by Brandon Lee, since he died accidentally during the film's production. As legacies go, this was certainly a better film than Showdown in Little Toyko. It's a good film that is better than the comic upon which is was based, in my opinion, but it's still a little overrated. But it's well worth checking out, and it is sad that Brandon Lee came to such an early end, because he was a really talented, likable actor. They also made a whole bunch of sequels with different actors, but I don't think I've seen any of them.

Daredevil: What a mess. How did they screw up Daredevil this bad? What makes this film so bad is that it's really not that bad of a film. It's just a huge mess with almost every major character detail done wrong. But you could tell they really tried to treat it all seriously, and Ben Affleck could have been good as Matt Murdock. But the story was bad, the script was terribly, the costume sucked, and the action scenes were appalling. Awful movie.

Elektra: This was actually better than Daredevil, but it was still terrible. The best thing I can say for this movie is that some of the action scenes were neat and Jennifer Garner is very pretty.

Fantastic Four: Although it's relatively unknown among most non-comic fans, the Fantastic Four is maybe by favorite comic ever, so it was with some trepidation that I saw this film in the theater. And while it was pretty bad and had made some wacky character changes, I mostly enjoyed it. But it wasn't all that great and could've benefited from a much better director. Still, Chris Evans was fun as Johnny Storm, and Jessica Alba sure was pretty, even though she was way miscast.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: More or less the same movie as the first one, just with a slightly more epic plot. If you liked that one, you'll like this. If you hated that one, well... skip it. I thought it was still ok, but maybe more satisfying if only because they did so well with their interpretation of the Silver Surfer. But why no Galactus?

From Hell: Never read the comic, liked the movie ok. It's about Jack the Ripper. Johnny Depp. Kind of boring, but worth checking out.

Ghost Rider: Rented it, but it was so bad I never finished. Why make a Ghost Rider film anyway? The character hasn't even been able to keep a comic book series profitable so they really thought he could carry a movie? Not a bad visual design for the main character, but where was the script?

Hellboy: I'm a big Hellboy fan. It's my favorite current comic book and I think it's one of the most brilliant things I've ever read. I also thought this was a great film. It's another one of my favorite comic book movies. Director Guillermo Del Toro (who also did Blade 2) made it as a labor of love and it really shows. The visuals are amazing and the casting was perfect. Still, the script could've used some work and it kind of lacks a real ending. But I still love it.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army: I prefer the first Hellboy film if only because the ensemble cast is better and it is a little more rooted in reality while this one is all out fantasy, but it's still a great movie. Del Toro is a brilliant director and this is one of his best bar none.

History of Violence: I liked this movie, even though I was only mildly aware of its origins as a comic book. Worth checking out.

Howard the Duck: One of the most notorious bombs of all time. It really is a terrible movie that is going to be be unwatchable for most people. Still, I've probably seen it a few dozen times. If it was on TV right now, I'd watch it again. But don't let that fool you... it's a terrible movie.

Hulk: I liked Ang Lee's Hulk film, even though he probably wasn't the best choice to direct a big budget comic book action film. Most people hated this for being too cerebral and too slow and too full of psychological mumbo jumbo. And they're all right, but it's still fun to watch the Hulk smash stuff. There just isn't nearly enough scenes of the Hulk smashing stuff.

The Incredible Hulk: This really wasn't a sequel to the first movie. It was just another Hulk movie. All in all, it was a much better, more action packed, more satisfying film than the original. But still, I preferred Eric Bana to Edward Norton and I liked the visual design of the first Hulk more than the giant monstrosity found in this film. But it's a pretty kick ass action movie, with the final fight being one of the coolest action sequences I've ever seen. I'm sorry it was a flop because I love watching the Hulk smash stuff.


And that seems like a good place to stop and take a break. Stay tuned, true believers, for part 2 of our astounding round up of comic book movies!

Happy Birthday, Jason Statham

Jason Statham could retire today secure in the knowledge that he was one of the coolest actors who's ever lived. Luckily for us, he is still working and still awesome. Happy birthday, Jason Statham. Now go make Crank 3 already.

The Sunshine Boys

This is one of those movies I've been meaning to see for years. But, you know how it is. Try walking into a Blockbuster and requesting a movie like the Sunshine Boys and watch the reaction you'll get. But now that I have Netflix, and now that Netflix has access to just about every movie ever made -- well, I had no excuse. About the best compliment I can pay this movie is that I wish I had seen it years ago, since that would've meant I could've spent all those years since rewatching it over and over again. Simply put, this is as good and as entertaining and as satisfying as any movie I've ever seen.

The plot is simple: Two old, washed-up, Vaudeville comics who have refused to talk to one another for decades are offered the opportunity to reunite for a TV special... and hilarity ensues. The script is by comedy legend Neil Simon and based on his play, it is directed by Herbert Ross (master director of such films as The Goodbye Girl, Funny Lady, and, um, Footloose), and the two ex-Vaudeville stars are played by Walter Matthau (the greatest character actor in the history of American cinema) and George Burns (quite possibly the greatest comedian who has ever walked the Earth). The first scene reuniting the two stars as they bicker over how to rehearse their famous "Doctor Sketch" might be the best piece of acting, directing, and writing that I've ever seen in any movie. Or maybe it was just because it had George Burns and Walter Matthau, who could've read from the phonebook together and somehow it still would've been the best thing ever captured on film.

The only other major role in the film is played by Richard Benjamin, who I'm not surprised you haven't heard of, but you'll recognize his face. He is one of those guys who was a dependable character actor all through the seventies, but then he moved more behind the scenes as a writer and director as the film industry changed. He still pops up in various roles here and there, usually playing somebody's dad, and he's always funny and charming. But I've never seen him better than he was here as the nephew and agent of the insufferable character played by Matthau. Benjamin wasn't even nominated for a supporting actor Oscar, but he sure deserved one. Then again, no acting award could be better than the opportunity to star in a movie where every scene you have is either with George Burns or Walter Matthau. The Supporting Actor Oscar actually did go to George Burns for this movie, and as well deserved as it may have been, it was probably more for his overall career in show business than for any bravura acting on his part. Walter Matthau received a nomination for Best Actor, and I'm sure he would've won it any year that didn't have Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Also fun are a bunch of small roles by young actors who went on to bigger and better things, like Howard Hesseman, Ron Rifkin, and F. Murray Abraham as a car mechanic.

About the story there is very little else to say since it is very simple. But being very simple doesn't mean it isn't brilliantly done. It's little more than a love letter to Vaudeville, though there is also some commentary on aging, friendship, family, and subtle jabs at the film industry itself. Its origins as a stage play are very obvious, since there are maybe three main sets and every scene is just two or three people talking with very little movement. But that's all I wanted to see from these actors anyway, so that's not a complaint. The big scene toward the end where we finally see the famous Doctor Sketch is a brilliantly funny and accurate homage to an old Vaudeville comedy routine, but honestly, all of the scenes leading up to it were so brilliant and so funny, that it wasn't the showstopper that it should've been. It's hard to have a comedy sketch stand out in a film where Neil Simon is clearing writing everything one long comedy sketch. The scene does work, however, as a stand alone piece of comedy and as a testament to how these comedians were willing to put aside any anger or resentment or animosity simply to make the bit work and have the audience laugh.

 The DVD has a few neat extras, a look at the making of the film and even some screen tests by Phil Silvers and Jack Benny. Wow. That movie would've been amazing too. They should've just gone ahead and filmed those two in the same roles back to back with the main production. Hell, they should've made dozens of movies based on the script and just interchanged old performers like Red Buttons, Art Carny, Milton Berle, Red Fox, Jack Albertson, Morey Amsterdam... I'll stop now, but trust me I could go on and on about the people who could play either of these roles to perfection. Since it has been a long-running stage play for years, many of these guys probably were in a production at some point. They even remade the film years later featuring Woody Allen and Peter Falk, which sounds wonderful, but for whatever reason it's almost universally reviled. But, anyway, the film we got has George Burns and Walter Matthau, and it is just about as perfect as any film could be. Just go rent it and relive a little bit of Vaudeville. That kind of comedy never stops being funny.

Melissa and Joey

The titular Melissa and Joey, of course, are played by Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence, two charming and likable actors who do their best to save this utterly charmless and unlikable show. It premiered a few weeks ago on the ABC Family Channel and, for some strange reason, my girlfriend Shannon and I keep on watching it. I suppose we watch it because we both had crushes on the stars back when we -- and they -- were younger (Melissa was my crush, Joey was hers, obviously) and enjoy seeing them again, but I sure wish they were in something better than this. But work's work, and it's nice to see them both making another go at it.

The premise is simple: It's just a rip-off of (sorry, homage to) Who's the Boss? Melissa is a career woman (city council woman, which seems like an odd career for a TV character who is supposed to be rich and glamorous. Have the writers of this show ever been to a city council meeting? But I digress.) with a male nanny / housekeeper who moves in to help to help out. Where Boss succeeded was in having such a ridiculous premise grounded by the likable performances of Tony Danza, Judith Light, and company. Melissa and Joey's characters, frankly, are loathsome and thoroughly off-putting. Also, while the repartee between Tony and Angela was fun and cute because we always knew they cared about one another and shared a mutual respect, admiration, and affection, Melissa and Joey are just snarky and annoying and have zero chemistry. Much of this has to do with the mediocre writing and terribly dialogue, but the bland performances don't really help to elevate the material.

And the supporting cast is even worse. On Who's the Boss? we had Mona, one of the most iconic sitcom characters of all time, while Melissa and Joey gives us, um, that annoying Asian girl with the obnoxious bangs. She's pretty (probably, under that awful, Peter Pan haircut)  and maybe even a decent actress who possesses decent comic timing, but her character is so poorly written and given so little to do, she just tends to suck the life out of any scene she's in. Given more time to grow, maybe the character would go somewhere, but she really needs to put down her clipboard and have some persona other than "Melissa's anal assistant." The two kids fair even worse, since they exist only to walk into the room in time to overhear some awkward, inappropriate comment from either Melissa or Joey, mug for the camera, and then walk back out of the scene. That is seriously all they ever do.

So, yeah, this show sucks. Ultimately, it fails because the characters range from being boring (the kids and the Asian chick) to being flat out unlikable (Melissa and Joey). Seriously, the two main character just seem like self-obsessed jerks. But I've still watched every episode. I'm not sure why I keep watching, but it's probably because the two stars have endeared themselves to me so much over the years. I grew up watching Blossom, Clarissa, and Sabrina so it's kind of nice to have these two back on TV again. I'm not saying I always enjoyed Blossom, Clarissa, and Sabrina -- just as I'm not saying I enjoy this new show -- but having them around is comforting, and even with the worst scripts they are both still likable and cute and sexy. But I sure wish they were better actors who could make bad scripts more funny.

R.I.P. Robert Schimmel (1950-2010)

Robert Schimmel was a very funny man and one of my favorite comedians. When I learned that he died earlier this week, I honestly wasn't surprised. If comedy comes from adversity or suffering, it's no shock that Schimmel was one of the funniest comics of all time. He suffered from cancer, a heart attack, cirrhosis, and who knows what else. But he finally died in a car accident. Only Robert Schimmel could've come up with a punch line that good.

Anyway, he will be missed, and the most tragic thing about his death is that he isn't around to tell some jokes about it.

Happy Birthday, Sergio Aragones

It's fitting somehow that Labor Day has fallen on the birthday of Sergio Aragones, who is possibly the most prolific and hardest working cartoonist of all time. Or, at least, he's the best cartoonist of all time. Happy birthday, Sergio!

Star Wars: The Solo Adventures

This is amazing.

Top Five Dave Clark Five Jams

Obviously, the Beatles are the greatest and most popular band from the British Invasion... but The Dave Clark Five came close. The Beatles succeeded on to fame and fortune because they grew and changed and adapted to current trends with each new album. Unfortunately, The Dave Clark Five only stayed around for a few years before fading away... but while they were around, they were awesome. Here is how awesome they are: Dave Clark is the dummer and his kit was always placed at the front of the stage in front of the guitar player and the singer.

Anyway, here is my list of the top five songs by The Dave Clark Five... if only because I think they are the bomb and because I was just listening to a greatest hits album of theirs that I own. By no means is this list meant to be definitive or absolute. I just want to give a little attention to a band that I think is incredibly underrated.

Here is my list offered without additional commentary, if only because I don't want to keep saying "this song is also awesome" for every entry:


#5 Because


#4 Over and Over



#3 Glad All Over



#2 Catch Us If You Can


#1 Bits and Pieces
Ok, here's some commentary: This is probably the coolest song ever written. Just try to listen to ten seconds of this song without wanting to dance for the rest of your life. If The Dave Clark Five had only done this one song, they'd still be cooler than the Beatles. 

Phantasy Star 2

I bought Phantasy Star 2 the other day... for my iPod Touch. Three dollars got me a pretty much perfect port of one of my all time favorite videogames. I probably wouldn't recommend paying three dollars for a game that originally came out on the Genesis twenty years ago (wow, that made me feel old!), but if you're a fan, well, it's a must buy. It's Phantasy Star 2. That's all you need to know.

Unfortunately, Phantasy Star 2 was way more fun to play on a TV with a controller. The graphics look identical to the original and hold up because event then it was a fantastic looking game with an amazing art design, but it just doesn't feel as fun to use a virtual control pad and buttons on a touch screen. But since there's no getting around that, there's no use complaining about it. I just don't think I could play this version in the same marathon-long sittings I used to do as a kid on my Genesis. It just feels weird and your thumbs get raw. But the game as a whole holds up. It still plays great and is a lot of fun. Phantasy Star 2 had one of the best written, most engaging stories of any RPG, and that transcends control and what console it's told on.
 

My main complaint, however, is that the sound is a little tinny. Phantasy Star 2 has my favorite soundtrack from any game of all time ever. Only Super Mario Bros 3, Castlevania, and the Final Fantasy games come close. I love the music in this game, and it just sounds a little tinny and somewhat staticy. It is still the same music, it just wasn't ported over perfectly for my ears. But it still has some amazing music, I just wish the audio presentation was of slightly higher quality.

Anyway, if you have an Ipod Touch or an Iphone and loved this game (or just love Japanese style RPGS in general), this is a great port of one of the best games of all time. And if you just want to hear the music, check that out here.

Happy Birthday, Chris Tucker

Happy birthday to my boy Chris Tucker. Chris Tucker is one of the funniest guys who's ever walked the planet and he needs to start making movies again. Seriously, it's been 13 years since he's made a movie that wasn't one of the Rush Hour movies, and it's been 3 years since he's even made one of those! Come back, Chris! The world needs your comedy stylings now more than ever.

Anyway, it's his birthday which makes me happy, if only because I'll take any excuse I can to post this clip:

Casino Royal

I was going to watch the Emmy Awards this evening, until I went through the channels and saw that Casino Royal was on ABC. This is one of those movies that, if it's on, I have to watch. It's simply not up for discussion. Now, I'm not going to give some typical, long-winded, overwritten review of this film. I'm just going to say this: This movie is friggin' awesome and it's on ABC right now. Go watch it.

Survival of the Dead

George A. Romero shouldn't worry about his legacy as a filmmaker. The original Night of the Dead trilogy guaranties that he will go down in history as an icon of the horror genre, and as one of the most beloved and influential filmmakers of all time. Those three films -- Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead -- are absolutely brilliant, enthralling, and as relevant today as they were produced. Along with his zombie films, he made a small handful of other minor masterpieces such as The Crazies, Creepshow, and Martin that would've made him famous even had he never made a single zombie film at all.

Now, I told you all that so I could tell you this: Survival of the Dead sucked.

Day of the Dead, the last film in Romero's original Dead trilogy, came out in 1985. He finally released another sequel ten years later. Land of the Dead was nowhere near as brilliant as the first three films, but it was a worthy successor and well worth watching. It was amazing to finally have another Romero zombie film, and even though it wasn't that great, I still hoped he'd keep making more. But then Diary of the Dead came out two years after that, and it was officially the first bad zombie movie Romero had ever made. It had some neat ideas and some good scares, but it was a huge step back from Land of the Dead in terms of scope and budget, and it just didn't really work on any level. And Survival of the Dead -- which just came out on DVD this week, if it ever even came out in the theater at all -- was even worse. Like I said, this movie sucked.

To begin with, it just wasn't scary. Romero has always been a master of suspense, so it was a real shame to see him put out a film with zero edge, tension, or scares. As bad as Diary was, at least it had some good set pieces and some genuine thrills. This movie just has people talking, then a zombie shows up and somebody shoots it. What's worse is that almost none of the effects are practical effects that look cool. It's all CG that looks bad. When that zombie got its head blown off in Dawn of the Dead, it looked awesome because you knew something actually got blown up. When a zombie's head gets blown up in this movie (in the first ten minutes), it was all bad CG that that just looked pathetic. And the effects from there just got worse and worse. I don't even think they used squibs for most of the bullet wounds. Almost every shot looked like bad CG blood splatter. Sad, considering how important real, practical special effects were to the success of the original trilogy. Get special effects master Tom Savini out of retirement already and make a real zombie movie!

And then we have the story, which was boring, engaging, and went nowhere. It was ostensibly about a Hatfield and McCoy type situation where one family wanted to kill all the zombies on their island while the other family wanted to keep them alive in hopes that a cure might come. Not a terrible plot, and certainly one that coul've been worth exploring, but none of these characters were the least bit likable nor the least bit believable. How could I possibly care about this dilemma, considering how the best thrill from seeing a zombie film is in watching zombies get killed. The film was told from the point of view of a rag tag band of survivors who wandered in to this situation, but they were all unlikable and annoying too. I didn't care about one character in this film nor enjoy anything about it at all.

The best compliment I can pay to this movie was that it wasn't so bad I didn't finish it. But, then again, I'm a George A. Romero fan so I felt a need to stick it through, even though I knew it was a far cry from his best work. Skip it. It sucked.