The Wolverine

I saw this in the theater the other day, and I think I liked it.

That is to say, I liked most of it, was annoyed by part of it, and was generally confused by all of it... but it was fun and exciting and worth checking out. Hugh Jackman is just fun to watch as Wolverine, and since this is his 20th time appearing as the character (or however many times), he's got it down to a science. I'd even go so far as to say this is a very nuanced acting performance, and certainly one of the best you'll ever see in a Summer comic book movie. I'm not saying he should win an Academy Award or something, but I will predict that who ever does win the Academy Award for Best Actor probably won't have put in the kind of work and effort and energy Hugh Jackman put into this role.

In other words I guess I'm saying he should win an Academy Award or something. Who knew?

Jackman was let down storywise, however, since this film had no script. I know some people were credited with writing a screenplay, but I don't believe it. I think everybody just showed up on set every day, improvised a bunch of stuff, then some poor editor had to try to make sense of all the footage and turn it into a movie that could be released for an audience. Now that editor should probably win an Academy Award or something! Seriously, since whoever it was managed to make something entertaining and exciting out of a story that, frankly, made no fracking sense at all. I have no idea what was going on, who were the real villains, what anybody's motivations were, or what happened at the end.

I also give credit to director James Mangold, who does not deserve an Academy Award, but he did do some stellar work crafting a film that was compelling and fun even though its story was completely inexplicable. There was a subplot where Logan (aka "the Wolverine") lost his healing factor and maybe was about to die, but when he was revived and stood up, it was a real heroic moment that made me want to stand up and cheer, even though the scene leading up to it was one of the dumbest things I'd ever seen and that exact moment was totally predictable and cliche. But Mangold is a good enough director that he managed to take a confused, cliched story and make it work and fun. I guess he does deserve an Academy Award too. I dunno.

And hey... if I keep saying this film deserves Academy Awards, why did they go with that mediocre pull quote for the poster?

There were some other actors in this movie, but whatever. I liked that one girl with the redhair, but nobody else really stood out. I thought that blonde lady was super hot, but that was about it. Who was she? I don't mean the actress, I mean the character. Viper was maybe her name? Was she in the comics? I don't remember.

There was no on screen credit for Chris Claremont or Frank Miller -- or at least none that I saw -- but that's probably ok because other than a couple names or the fact that it takes place in Japan, this has nothing to do with their miniseries. There are ninjas in it though, and Logan fights a bunch of samurai. Hell, he even fights a twenty foot tall robot samurai! And he has a super cool fight on top of a train. And there's actually an attempt at some subtext dealing with Wolverine's fear of being immortal and yet not having any love to make an eternal life worth living. Or something. I dunno.

Anyway, I guess I liked it.

In Memoriam: Dennis Farina (1944 - 2013)

One of my all time favorite actors passed away last week. I'm not going to say he was the most versatile actor I've ever seen, but he was certainly one of the most charming, distinctive, and fun to watch. Whenever I do a Chicago accent, I'm really just doing Dennis Farina.

I will miss the guy, but I like to think that somewhere in the afterlife Farina and Jerry Orbach are starring in "Law and Order: Heaven."

Some Movies I've Seen Lately

Here are some brief (hopefully) reviews of some movies I've seen lately:

Man of Steel
I actually started to write a full review of this film after I saw it a few weeks ago (whenever it came out. Not opening weekend, but that following Monday), but it turned into some huge manifesto and I got tired writing it and realized most people would never even read it. Imagine that opening sentence, only longer and more pointless. Someday I'll do a full review of this movie, because it really warrants a full, in depth analysis.

But for now, here's my main thought on this film: It's a really cool Superman movie made by and for people who don't know anything about Superman. I'd even go so far as to say it was made by people embarrassed to be making a film about Superman, or even about superheroes in general. That's why the costume isn't the one from the comics or the previous movies or TV shows... hell, the costume doesn't even look like the one from the radio show, and I don't even know how that's possible. That's why there's no Superman in the title of the film, and that name is only used once, and kind of as a punchline to a joke. Oh, and that's also why the Superman in this movie doesn't act like Superman, or even like a hero at all. He just punches lots of people and seems uncaring or unaware of the destruction he leaves in his wake.

He's just not a hero, he's never seen talking to any normal people who aren't his mother, reporters, or people in the military. And all the destruction caused by the villains in this film was as much his fault as it was theirs.

But the action was awesome, the entire opening section on Krypton was amazing, and I liked a lot of the acting performances.  So I say check it out if you want to watch a big, dumb movie about aliens punching each other, but just don't go in thinking it's about Superman.

Evil Dead
I actually liked this one.

I'm a huge fan of the original The Evil Dead and its sequels. In fact, I'd go so far as to call The Evil Dead 2 a masterpiece that ranks as one of the finest films ever made, and I'm not even joking. So I didn't see the point of a remake, since the original is such a cult classic, but I wasn't angry about it either. It's not a bad choice to get remade, since even though most people probably haven't seen it, it's got great name recognition, and -- I have to admit -- it's got some flaws. Any fans of the film know that the flaws are what gave it its charm, of course, since it was a super low budget movie made by then newcomers Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell.

But anyway, I was talking about the remake. I liked it. It was fine. Maybe it was even good, as far as these things go. That is to say, it was a good movie about demons possessing and then killing a small group of people in a cabin in the middle of the woods. I don't know if it was scary since it's been years since I've found any movie scary, but this was certainly thrilling and deliciously gory. This is one of the bloodiest, most disgusting films I've seen in a long time... and I mean that in a good way. I'm not a fan of torture porn movies like Saw or Hostel, but I do like fun gore that is clever and well done. This had a lot of fun special effects, a lot of which looked practical and not CG, which is awesome.

It was also kind of boring in places and mostly mediocre, if only because it had no real cast to speak of and all that characters were boring. The original film became a cult classic not only because it was clever and well directed by Sam Raimi, but because it starred Bruce Campbell. This movie has no Bruce Campbell, which is a shame and kept me from really caring all that much, but it was fun. Check it out if you like this kind of shit.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence
I liked this one too!

In fact, in some ways I loved this one, and this from the guy who turned off the first Ghost Rider film after about fifteen minutes because it was unwatchable. But while that film was awful because it was so dry and boring and pretentious, this one is just balls to the wall, campy fun. That's because the first Ghost Rider movie was directed by the guy who did Daredevil and Simon Birch, while this sequel was directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who did Gamer and the two Crank films. I liked those three films so much I actually rented this one because of their involvement. And it didn't disappoint.

Don't get me wrong... this isn't a great movie, but if you liked Crank and wondered what that film would be like starring Ghost Rider instead of Chev Chelios, this is a pretty good approximation. This isn't quite as manic or over the top as the Crank films, but it's still really funny and has some amazing action sequences.

Just rent it. It's good fun.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
Not great, but not the worst. This film had a neat concept... sorta... with a nice look and cool action set pieces, but Jeremy Renner and what's her name just suck. This is the kind of film I'd recommend checking out if it comes on HBO and it's raining out, but don't pay for it like I did.

Dark Shadows
I actually watched this one on HBO, but I can't remember if it was raining out. Anyway, this is that Tim Burton movie where Johnny Depp plays a colonial vampire who wakes up centuries later in the 1970s. Or something. It's supposedly based on the old TV show, but it's really not other than the name of the movie and some of the characters.

Anyway... it was fun. I'm not a Tim Burton fan and this was certainly more of the same, but at least it was funny and clever. I enjoyed the look of it and thought Johnny Depp was very funny. I'm not going to recommend it, but don't avoid it either. It's ok.

Trailer Park

It's 6:00 on a Friday morning. Nothing else to do but watch some movie trailers:

Hell Baby
Boy, this don't look too good, but all the scenes with the two guys from Reno 911 as Italian priests had me cracking up. Watch the trailer for them, but other than that... meh.

Byzantium
Neil Jordan makes another epic vampire movie. This looks really good, but I'll never see it.

The Wolf of Wall Street
New Martin Scorsese movie. Sure. I'm not really interested, and I can't tell if this is a drama or a comedy. I just know I wish he was making movies about the mob. Everything else he does is boring. Yeah, I said it.

Rapture-Palooza
Is this a real movie? Forgetting the fact that it looks awful, Anna Kendrick as a movie star? Not gonna happen.

Europa Report
Wow, the special effects and attention to scientific detail in this film are amazing, but this looks boring as shit. 

Prince Avalanche
Could anybody watch this trailer and think this movie looks the least bit appealing?

Diana
A movie about Princess Diana. Sure, why not? Personally, I couldn't care less.

Delivery Man
Is this even a trailer? What's the plot of this movie. I don't understand.  A lawsuit for what? Because he donated sperm? That's not a thing that could happen.

Killing Season

John Travolta is Abraham Lincoln: Serbian Terrorist.

Maniac
Somebody should make a movie starring Elijah Wood and Tobey Maguire. It could be called "Why were we Allowed to be Movie Stars Again?" Anyway, Elijah Wood as a serial killer. Meh. They should've just rebooted the Maniac Cop series instead.

Anchorman 2
I'll admit, I didn't really get the first Anchorman movie, but at least it had some jokes. This trailer has no jokes. Seriously. Point out one joke. One freakin' joke. 

Freebirds
Fuck you.

300: Rise of an Empire
Boy... not a good day for trailers. 

The Colony
Laurence Fishburne and Bill Paxton save the day! Don't get me wrong, this doesn't look good. In fact, it looks terrible. But, you know. I like those two and I'm glad they're working.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Trailer

That's the title they went with? What does that even mean? Is Smaug desolate? Has he created desolation? Is he going be be desolated? None of those uses of the word really make much sense.

But, anyway, here's the trailer... and it's pretty cool, even if a good 75% of the scenes shown are in no way taken from the novel:

Happy Birthday Peter Cushing

Had Peter Cushing not died in 1994, today would have been his 100th birthday.

Peter Cushing, in case you're unaware, was one of the greatest movie stars of all time... or, at least, one of my all time favorites. I would imagine I first saw him as Grand Moff Tarkin in the original Star Wars, but I also loved him as Van Helsing in countless Hammer Dracular films, Frankenstein, Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Who, and hundreds of other roles spanning every genre.

Anyway, Peter Cushing was one of the all time greats, and I can't think of a better way to spend Memorial Day than by remembering his work.

The Man with the Iron Fists

I really wanted to love this movie, but it didn't quite work out that way. I liked it (for the most part) and respected it, but it was ultimately too much of a mess to stand up as anything more than a mildly entertaining curiosity, which is a shame because it was a good effort with some nice ideas and some decent moments.

The film was written and directed by RZA, who also played the titular character. RZA is a brilliantly talented hip hop performer and producer, and an admittedly kung fu film fanatic. He is now an icon of the music industry with enough clout to get a film financed, and he decided to make his feature debut an homage to the Hong Kong martial arts films he grew up watching. That's awesome. I wish more filmmakers made passion projects like this instead of, say, Transformers part 3 or another adaptation of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Unfortunately, the fact that you've watched a lot of kung fu movies doesn't mean you can direct one of your own. Then again, most of the movies he grew up watching were probably terrible, and I wouldn't call this terrible. It's just a mess.

The best thing I can say about this movie is that, for the most part, I was never bored.

The worst thing I can say about this movie is that I have no freaking idea what it was about.

Seriously, I don't know what the plot was. There were some guys who did stuff. Something about a gold shipment. Some guys father was murdered. Russell Crowe had a gun with a knife on it that spun around when he pulled the trigger.

So as a screenwriter, the RZA bit off more than he could chew. I wasn't looking for an epic story or Shakespearean levels of characterization, but I would have enjoyed a story that I could understand and follow. There were just too many characters and too many things going on, none of which made sense or seemed all that interesting.

The action was pretty off the hook, however, and almost -- almost -- makes the whole thing worth watching. The opening fight scene was ridiculously fun and well choreographed and set to a great hip hop music track. After that I thought the film was going to be amazing, but then it just kind of fell flat, until the next fight scene, anyway. Here's all I really need to say: There's a scene where Lucy Liu kicks some guy's head off. That's cool, right?

It's also a very pretty movie, with some stunning locations and great set design. Too bad the special effects were pretty terrible.

The cast was a lot of fun too, with a very strange performance by Russell Crowe, who clearly realized the script was nonsense so he decided to just go so far over the top nobody would notice that his character made no sense. Rick Yune (the diamond-faced guy from Die Another Day) was in there as somebody and he was very good, as was Lucy Liu as the owner of a brothel. I was never sure what role she played in the film, and even though kicking some guy's head off was awesome, I didn't know who the guy was so it ultimately didn't really mean much. Professional wrestler Batista plays a villain who can turn his body bronze, and he pretty much stole the entire film. He was great. And then there's RZA, who as an actor is a wonderful rapper. Anyway... he did his best. I enjoyed his performance, but I wouldn't call it good, or, really, even acting.

As a film debut by a man with no real film experience to speak of, this was very close to being a success. It had a great cast, noble intentions, and some really fun action set pieces, but it suffered from a lackluster screenplay, poor pacing, and no real narrative flow.

But... go ahead and check it out if only for some cool fights and an amazing soundtrack.

Adam Ant is the Blueblack Hussar in Marrying the Gunner's Daughter

Yeah, that's the title. I don't know what it means either. But if you've ever been the kind of person who wants stuff to make sense, you've probably never been an Adam Ant fan. The man and his music have always been unapologetically bat-shit insane. It's nice to see that some things haven't changed. This album, his latest after however many years in retirement, is classic Adam Ant insanity. And in case I'm being unclear, that's a good thing.

It's not all together a great album, however. At least, it's not one that I can recommend wholeheartedly to any but the most die-hard Adam Ant fans. We're a dying breed, and I'm sorry to say that this latest album might not change things much. It's classic Adam Ant with some excellent songs, but the production just sounds... off. The mixing doesn't sound great throughout, as though it was recorded in Adam Ant's basement. That's a shame, because the arrangements are layered and deep and really suffered from the lackluster production. However, Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska also sounds cheap and that's one of the best albums ever made, so maybe this was a stylistic decision.

Anyway, I'm not really reviewing this album because there would be no point. If you're the kind of person who'd buy a new album by Adam Ant, you've already picked it up. If you aren't, well... I say check it out. The man's getting on in years and his voice isn't quite the powerhouse it was in his youth, but he still sounds good, he can still write a catchy hook, and he's still out of his freakin' mind.

Nobody makes music like this any more, so I'm glad he's back and I hope he keeps them coming.

Anyway, here's the video for the opening track Cool Zombie. I really like this song and this video is either the most brilliant thing I've ever seen or the dumbest:

Xbox One

So I watched yesterday's presentation where Microsoft unveiled the next iteration of the Xbox. In fact, I actually watched the presentation by streaming it on my Xbox, which was kind of surreal, because I was using technology that was so uptodate that I was able to stream a fully HD video onto my Xbox where people were talking about how obsolete my Xbox is.

Basically the entire focal point of the presentation was about how Xbox is going to completely revolutionize the way we interact with our TV... because we can now change the channel with vocal commands instead of a remote control. That's definitely neat, but I don't care. I'm perfectly fine using a remote control... and I live alone. If I had roommates, the idea of having to hear somebody in the next room go, "Xbox turn on HBO" would get old real quick. Also... hasn't vocal recognition software been around for years? And, for the most part, people don't care. You want to know how I know people don't care? Cause if they did, Sony would have done this first.

It's kind of like how whenever I pay my credit card bill over the phone, the automated voice on the other end gives me the option of typing in my credit card number or saying it aloud. Why would I say my credit card number out loud? Even though I'm alone in my apartment, I'm just not going to do that. It seems dumb and feels weird. So I'm guessing that even if I had an Xbox One, I'd probably just use the controller anyway.

And if I've spent three paragraphs already just talking about how the new Xbox has vocal recognition, well, that's because that's pretty much all they talked about.

They certainly didn't spend much time talking about games. They mentioned a few and showed maybe ten second clips of some of them that, frankly, didn't look that much more impressive than what's on the current Xbox. And come on... it's the year 2013. Gamers are too sophisticated to care about pre-rendered cut scenes. Either show real, in-game footage or don't show anything at all.

Here was the most telling part of the presentation, or at least the moment that left the biggest impression on me: While showing off how easy and fast it was to switch between the Xbox One and regular cable TV, the presenter said, "Xbox TV," and it instantly switched to CBS showing an episode of The Price is Right.

The Price is Right? Is that really what was on CBS at that moment or was that preselected? Either way... Huh? Why would I care about how instantly I can switch away from my games in order to watch something like The Price is Right? Are the games really going to be that bad that they need to hype up how quickly you can turn them off?

So I can't say I'm excited, but that's only because I wasn't really given much reason to be. I'm supposed to be excited for an Xbox that has a Kinect built-in? I never bought a regular Kinect because I had no interest. This new technology just looks like a slightly better version of the product I already didn't want. And, frankly, there's just something weird and creepy about being able to come home and say, "xbox on," and the machine turns on. I don't really want a microphone installed in my house that is never actually turned off.

All the games have to be installed onto the harddrive that isn't replaceable. That sounds like a bad idea.

No backwards-compatibility. That's not normally a deal-breaker, but considering how the current Xbox has been out for about a decade, that's a lot of games people are going to have to shelve. That's doubly annoying considering how the current genertion of systems has been so notorously faulty.

No used games. Apparently there's going to be some kind of registration process for each game, so if you ever want to use the same game on a different console, you have to pay a fee. That's just insane, and would effectively mean I won't be buying this system. I'm poor. I would say roughly 90% of the games in my collection were purchased used. I simply can't afford to buy games new, at least not when they launch for 60 bucks. So if this console has no market for used games, then they will have pushed me out of the market too.

But, again, being able to switch TV channels with my voice sounds neat.

Riddick Trailer

Here's the trailer for "Riddick," the third film in the Riddick series. It looks... ok. I'll see it, but... I dunno. It basically just looks like a remake of Pitch Black. I loved Pitch Black, but Chronicles of Riddick was one of my all time favorite movies (for real!), so I'm a little upset that this latest filming doesn't seem to be continuing the storyline laid out in that film.

But whatever. I'm not going to complain about a new Riddick movie:

Jack Reacher

This was actually a pretty good movie, believe it or not.

I mean, if you don't hate Tom Cruise, that is. I don't hate Cruise nor do I really understand why so many people do, but I do understand that such hate exists, and that for many people it burns with such passion they can't even sit through the trailers for his movies, let alone the movies themselves. And, please, don't try to explain the hate because I've heard it all before. He's annoying. He's short. He's a closet homosexual. He's a Scientologist. He jumped on Oprah's couch. He was mean to Matt Lauer. Pffft. Who cares? He's still a pretty good actor who often makes interesting films.

But, anyway, I was talking about Jack Reacher.

The highest compliment I can pay this movie is that I actually watched the whole thing, from start to finish... in one sitting, even! Look, I'm an adult with a job, friends, family, hobbies, and commitments. I remember back when I was younger and I used to watch multiple movies in the same day. Now I'm lucky if I can find an hour here or there to even start a movie. Most days I come home from work and I'm just so tired I end up going to bed at 8:00 at night. Basically, being an adult sucks. I can't even imagine how impossible life would be if I had kids.

But I watched all of this one, even though it was about two hours and ten minutes, which was probably about thirty minutes longer than it needed to be. And I'll admit, I did check the clock a few times to see how much longer I had, and it always seemed to say there was two hours and ten minutes left. I must've been watching it in the center of a black hole or something. I also can't really tell you what happened in regards to the plot since I have no freakin' idea. It had something to do with some sniper who murdered some people for some reason that I never really caught, and he had to be brought to justice by Jack Reacher, who was some kind of something or other who worked for the government... unless he didn't. I dunno.

There's a scene -- and I'm pretty sure it was even in the trailer -- where two guys are talking about this mysterious ghost agent named Jack Reacher. One of them asks, "So how do we get in contact with Jack Reacher?" And then the other guy says, "You don't. Jack Reacher has to get in contact with you." And then at that exact second, the secretary pokes her head in the door and says, "There's a Jack Reacher here to see you." And then Tom Cruise walks in and said something I can't remember, but it was probably something like, "I'm Jack Reacher."

Now that was probably the dumbest scene in movie history, and that's basically how every scene plays out. Every scene is about some characters talking about Jack Reacher, and then Jack Reacher shows up, usually to punch somebody in the face. He's good at that... both Jack Reacher and Tom Cruise. This movie has some awesome fight scenes, especially the one where he beats up a group of guys in a bar, or when he headbutts those two guys faces together over and over again.

There's also one of the best car chases I've ever seen, and I'm not joking. It was awesome.

Anyway, that's Jack Reacher. If you don't mind Tom Cruise or really dumb movies, check it out. Cruise does a good job as Jack Reacher, whoever that is, and the rest of the cast is good too, including Robert Duvall, Richard Jenkins, that blonde gladiator from the first season of Spartacus, Werner Herzog, and Rosamund Pike. Rosamund Pike is a wonderful actress and a beautiful woman, but it was obvious that every scene she was in was lit by the cinematographer to perfectly show off her cleavage. Seriously, every scene she's in that's all you'll be able to look at. She plays a defense attorney or something, even though she never does anything, never procures any evidence, and never steps into a courtroom. And the direction by Christopher McQuarrie is pretty great. It's a fun, exciting movie, even though it was way too long, way too stupid, and made zero sense.

And, really? Jack Reacher? Am I the only one who hears that name and always thinks of that Fish and Chips place Arthur Treacher's?

Spielberg-A-Thon Part 21: The Lost World: Jurassic Park

The Lost World: Jurassic Park, the not all together very good sequel to the very brilliant Jurassic Park. I got a cold midway through recording this video, so I apologize if my already nasally voice sounds that much worse.