Happy Yom Kippur

Blessed are the Geeks wants to wish a happy and holy Yom Kippur ti all of our Jewish readers. In honor of this high holy day, here is a clip of Red Buttons (my all time favorite comic) doing a variation of his classic "never got a dinner" routine at the Chabad telethon.

Comic Book Movie Round-Up (Part III)

Here is the third -- and hopefully last -- installment of the Blessed Are the Geeks Comic Book Movie Round-Up. Feel free to check out parts one and two before reading this, or just get right to it:

Superman: Despite its many fundamental problems, the 1978 Superman film is absolutely wonderful. It works for two reasons:

#1. The tone is serious and respectful of the source material. There is a lot of broad comedy here and there, but almost none of it pokes fun at the comic book or the character.

#2. Christopher Reeve is amazing as Superman. His was far and away the greatest performance as a super hero in movie history. He just was Superman.

But he didn't really pull of Clark Kent, but that was because the script called for him to act like a complete buffoon. At least Reeve was still charming and funny even though he was being kind of annoying and nonsensical. The idea that Clark Kent lives his civilian life purposefully as a fool and a clown is completely contrary to the comics and the other portrayals in TV and film serials that came before.

I also didn't understand why they made Lex Luthor so comical and nonthreatening. This is Superman's archnemesis, not some fool living in a sewer hatching schemes that even a schoolboy would know make no sense. Also, Otis just wasn't funny, wasn't charming, and sucked the life out of every scene. And I have nothing bad to say about Miss Tessmacher.

And don't get me started on the whole going back in time nonsense. Or that scene where Lois Lane narrates their fly sequence with that weird poem. Or numerous other story details and plot points that made no sense. It's still a great film because of Reeve's performance as Superman.

Superman II: Now this is one of the best, straight up, no nonsense comic book films of all time. Well, ok, there is some nonsense, but it's still all in good fun. This is just one of those perfect sequels that improves almost everything from the first film and expands on it exponentially. I love this movie. It's big, it's epic, it's funny, it's action packed. Oh, and it's also pretty dumb in places, but it's also very sweet and very poignant as well. And it gave the world Terence Stamp as Zod. How cool was he?

They later released a recut version that was supposedly closer to director Richard Donner's original version, but I haven't seen it. I liked it well enough that I didn't think it really needed too many changed. Also, considering how dumb the first film was, I tend to give some credit to Richard Lester for this film's success.

Superman III: Wait a minute... what did I just say about Richard Lester? Did I just give him credit for making Superman II better than the first film? Because, in reality, Superman III was Lester's only solo effort at directing a Superman movie, and it's terrible. Maybe they should've had Richard Donner come in at the end for reshoots. Richard Lester is a fantastic director of madcap comedy movies (rent A Hard Day's Night to see his talents used for good and not evil), so he always seemed ill at home with these Superman films. You only have to watch the opening credits of Superman III to see how apparant this is. It's a long, madcap, slapstick sequence featuring prat falls, paint cans falling on people's heads, car crashes, and a surprising absence of Superman. However, taken on its own, it's brilliantly choreographed and very funny. But it has no place in a Superman movie.

And neither does Richard Pryor. And don't even get me started on this scene.

Superman IV: On paper, a better film than Superman 3. It's about Superman fighting another super villain instead of a wealthy industrialist with a self-aware super computer (or whatever the hell that movie was about). Also, Lex Luthor is back! Too bad the script was terrible, the plot made no sense, and the special effects were awful. And while it doesn't have Richard Pryor (who is funny), it does have John Cryer (who is not).

The plot is some nonsense about Superman taking all of the world's nuclear weapons and throwing them into the sun, based on the recommendation of some kid. Now, obviously, if there really was a Superman, this would be a logical expectation. But there are some pieces of logic that simply have to be glossed over in order to make a fantasy film like this work. He really took all of the nuclear weapons? What if he missed one? What if some terrorists decide to make just one bomb on their own and then take over the world? Is Superman going to keep grabbing them and tossing them into the sun? Whatever. Anyway, none of that would matter if Nuclear Man was a cool villain (he looks like the guy from White Snake) or if the action and effects were good (just check out this.) Awful movie. It all but destroyed the film franchise and made such a joke of the character that they had to kill him in the comics before he could become cool again.

Superman Returns: Here's a lesson in irony for any would-be filmmakers out there: If you decide to make a film in a film series that ignores the ones you thought were bad, chances are good you'll make a film that's even worse. Intended as a sequel to the first two Richard Donner films (and not the awful third and fourth films), it just ended up as a huge mess that pleased almost nobody. Now, I'm not claiming that Superman Returns is a worse film than, say, Superman III, but if both films were on TV right now and I had to make a choice... Superman III it is! At least Richard Pryor is good for a few laughs and things actually, you know, happen. Superman Returns is just a boring, pretentious, piece of garbage.

You can read my full review of that film here, but keep in mind that I had just scene it and didn't come to hate it as much as I do now after having seen it a few more times.

Swamp Thing: I remember seeing this as a kid and loving it. I watched it over and over again. It was exciting and horrifying. Other than that, I remember next to nothing about it. I think I definitely need to give it another look, considering how much I remember liking it and considering how much I like the original comic by Len Wein and Bernie Wrightson. They made a sequel called The Return of Swamp Thing, but I never saw it.

Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight: Should I talk about this film now or wait until I do my round-up of comic book based TV shows? I guess I'll talk about it now since it was a film based on a TV show that was based on a comic book. Anyway, this is a cool movie. As adaptations go, it really has nothing to do with Tales From the Crypt -- the comic or the TV show -- aside from the name, an appearance by the Crypt Keeper, and the fact that it ostensibly takes place within the horror genre. Tales From the Crypt was an anthology title that was more like Twilight Zone than anything else, featuring horrific morality tales. This movie is little more than a supernatural slasher film. But it is fun, has a lot of laughs, and some decent scares. And it has Billy Zane and William Sadler who are always fun.

Tales From the Crypt: Bordello of Blood: Now this one just sucked. Who thought it was a good idea to have Dennis Miller (playing, of course, Dennis Miller) fighting a coven of vampires? Does that sound entertaining to anybody? Well, ok, maybe it did back in 1996, but it wasn't. I mean, it's not unwatchable, and Dennis Miller does get a lot of good lines here and there, but if that's all you want, go watch the Dennis Miller show. This movie was just a comedy that happened to have some vampires as comedic fodder for Miller's one-liners. Skip it and watch something good instead, like Demon Knight.

Tank Girl: I'm going to break my own rule and talk about this movie even though I haven't seen it. In fact, I did see the trailer, and that was enough to keep me from seeing it for the rest of my life. Just the sight of Ice T in that dog mask was revolting enough that my skin crawls just from thinking about it. Also, Lori Petty. Thanks, but no thanks.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: If you were a kid growing up in the 80s with a love for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, you probably thought this was the best movie ever made. It was a near perfect adaptation, with amazing costumes, incredible fight scenes, and a dark moody tone that was inspired more by the original comic book than the animated TV series. Personally, I never really liked the Turtles too much and thought the cartoon was annoying and too silly. But this movie was pretty cool because it was brooding and hyper-violent, probably because it came out right after Tim Burton's Batman. Cool movie, and while the costumes may look silly today, they were ground-breaking at the time.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze: Remember how I said that first film was hyper-violent and incredibly dark? Well, most parents didn't like that too much so it caused a little bit of a controversy. As a result, this film is little more than a live-action cartoon, with corny jokes, slapstick humor, and a surprising lack of the Turtles using their trademark weapons. Oh, and there's also a cameo by Vanilla Ice. So this movie is pretty dumb, but I liked it and I would watch it again if it was on right now. Go Ninja go Ninja go!!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Ugh. This movie was just awful. It's sad when a valid criticism of a film is that it needed more Vanilla Ice. Skip it. The Angry Videogame Nerd did an amazing review of this movie a few years ago that's well worth checking out.

Timecop: According to the IMDB, this movie was based on a Dark Horse comic book. Who knew? Anyway, this movie is awesome. It's classic Van Damme trash. Go rent it just to watch him do the split on the kitchen counter.

V For Vendetta: True story: The other day I rode my bike past some Scientology center in downtown Minneapolis and saw a (very small) group of protesters outside. They had banners with slogans against Scientology, they were blaring that song "What is Love?! (Baby Don't Hurt me!)" on a boombox for some reason, and they were all wearing masks like that guy from V for Vendetta. I wonder how many of them knew they were actually wearing Guy Fawkes masks. Anyway, that was weird, but it was more entertaining than this movie was. All in all, it was a very faithful adaptation of the comic, but the comic was little more than a reworked adaptation of 1984. I found it boring and pretentious, though some of the performances were very good.

Wanted: This movie was neat, but I didn't really love it or anything. I've never read the comic, but the movie was clever and full of cool, original ideas. But the cast was kind of lackluster and lacking in charisma. But the action set pieces were mostly off the hook. 

Watchmen: Read my full review here, but my basic impression was that it was a very cool movie that wasn't as good as the comic. It was way too over the top and muddled some of the more important themes from the comic, but it was a fairly faithful adaptation all the same. I liked it and thought it was really entertaining. Same director as 300, which I thought was more successful if only because the original comic needed a lot less condensation and reworking. But, visually, Zack Snyder always delivers something amazing.

Weird Science: This really wasn't based on a comic book. Somebody just bought the rights to the old EC Comics title "Weird Science" and made a movie that had nothing much to do with it. I mention it only because it really is a very good movie. It's an 80s comedy classic.

X-Men: The first X-Men movie blew me away. Considering the huge cast of characters and ridiculously labyrinthine plotlines from the comics, I was expecting the worst... so maybe that's why I was so pleasantly surprised and honestly loved it. It was a little too simplistic and the overall plot was pretty stupid, but it worked because the cast was great and most of the characters were captured fairly well. Hugh Jackman stole the movie and made himself a movie star in the process.

But the costumes really did suck.

X2: Bigger and better than the first X-Men movie, director Bryan Singer outdid himself by making one of the best comic book movies of all time. This was just an awesome, badass, comic book movie that felt very faithful to the comics (for the most part) and stood on its own. I loved it and so did all but the most die hard comic fanboys.

X-Men: The Last Stand: Bryan Singer left the franchise in order to make Superman Returns (and we all saw how well that turned out) leaving this film in the hands of auteur Brett Ratner. This change didn't help the careers of either director, since Bryan Singer hasn't made a good film since X2 and Brett Ranter just proved to the world that he can't make a movie that isn't Rush Hour. This movie was just a huge, colossal, mess. Some of the action scenes were neat and we got decent performances from the stalwart cast, but the plot was unfocused and the script was terrible. Main characters were killed off willy nilly (some of them offscreen!) while new characters who weren't even in the comics were introduced for no reason. All in all, just a boring, bloated, bomb.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine: Lots of people hated this movie, but I enjoyed it. Check out my full review here. I absolutely understand and agree with most of the complaints and criticism leveled against this movie, but I got so much enjoyment out of watching Hugh Jackman as Wolverine that I didn't really care that it was such a stupid movie. And it is stupid, make no mistakes about that. But, again, I liked it ok.

And that's it. Every comic book movie I've ever seen. Coming up next I'll look over the list and create my top ten best and worst lists. Until then, I'm going to go decompress by watching Steel Magnolias or something.

Video Clip of the Week: Orson Welles Salutes Jimmy Stewart

Remember when I used to do a "video clip of the week" way back when, that lasted about two weeks? Anyway, I'm bringing it back. To inaugurate this, I'm posting one of the greatest moments in television history (at least for me): My all time favorite film director giving a tribute to my all time favorite film actor. This is good:

Comic Book Movie Round-Up (Part II)

Welcome to the second part of my round up of every comic book movie I've ever seen. Click here for the first part.

Iron Man: Nobody expected this movie to be as big or as good as it was, but there you go. I liked it a little less than most people, but maybe because I love Iron Man a little more than most people. All in all, it was a well done film with some awesome sequences, a good performance by Robert Downey Jr. (although not all that accurate a depiction of the character, in my opinion), and a great visual presentation of the main character. It didn't have a great villain or much of an ending, however, but it was still a lot of fun and one of the better Marvel Comics movies. I liked it, but I didn't love it so much that I saw the sequel. I'm waiting for DVD on that one.

Judge Dredd: Was this a good adaptation of the comic book character? Don't ask me. Ask somebody from England. I'm guessing no, but I have only read one or two issues of the comic. What I can speak to is that this movie sucks.

Kick-Ass: Fairly decent if overrated comic that was adapted into a fairly mediocre, justly overlooked film. Without the awesome artwork by John Romita Jr, the cliched story tropes and character types just seemed annoying. Skip it unless you loved the comic, since it wasn't really a bad adaptation all things considered.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: One of the most despised comic book films of all time, but I'll never understand why. I thought it was really good. No, it doesn't compare to the brilliance of the comic book, but it was still a really fun, good looking, exciting comic book movie in my opinion. It had nothing really to do with the comic other than that it was Victorian age period piece featuring literary characters teamed up to fight crime. But I liked it and thought it was fun. It was the second comic book film by director Stephen Norrington (after Blade), but it was such a huge flop that it all but ended his career. According to the IMDB, he is directing another adaptation of the Crow set to be released in 2011. I'll see it.

The Losers: You can see my full review here, but here's my opinion: This movie was pretty fun, but not entirely all that great. Worth watching.

The Mask: This movie, along with Ace Ventura, made Jim Carrey a star. It's a pretty funny movie, but I can't comment on its status as an adaptation because I've never read the comic. But the movie was cute and clever and a lot of fun. But I haven't rewatched it since, and I never saw the sequel. And neither did anybody else.

The Men in Black: Another movie nobody knew was based on a comic. I haven't read it. Have you? Anyway, awesome movie. One of the best from the 90s. A true classic of the action/sci-fi genre. I loved it. No sense talking about it since you've seen it too and feel the same way. Who doesn't?

The Men in Black 2: Not nearly as good, but still entertaining. But if you haven't seen it by this point, don't bother.

The Punisher (1989): Dolph Lundgren as the Punisher seemed like inspired casting at the time that got everybody excited. Sure, the Punisher in the comics doesn't talk with a Swedish accent, but who cares about the little details like that? But then we it turned out he wasn't going to wear the costume, we all got worried. And then it came out, and we all hated it. It's just not a very good movie and most of the action sequences were pretty lame. No budget, no script, and a bad performance by Dolph (sorry!).

The Punisher (2004): Fifteen years later they made another version of the Punisher, this time starring Thomas Jane and featuring the skull costume (!!), but it still sucked. All things considered, the Punisher just isn't an interesting enough character to carry a movie in my opinion. He just goes around shooting people. Not a whole lot of depth. Even his comic book series got real old real quick. He was a character best served as a guest star in the comics starring other characters. Anyway, this movie had the costume and a bigger budget, but Dolph was more fun than Jane, even though neither was very good. They also made another Punisher movie after this one with another actor, but I didn't see it.Life is too short to watch three different Punisher movies.

Road to Perdition: Maybe a good movie -- certainly a lot of people like it -- but I thought it was a huge bore. Great performances by Tom Hanks (playing against type as a gangster), Paul Newman, Jude Law, and Daniel Craig, but it just went nowhere and seemed more like an exercise in cinematography than in storytelling. Also, I never read the comic.

The Rocketeer: I love this movie. I know very little about the original comic book series other than that the art by Dave Stevens was wonderful, but this movie feels like a very authentic, heartfelt adaptation. It's a period piece that captures the feel of the 30s and 40s perfectly, has an amazing cast featuring Timothy Dalton as one of the best villains in movie history, and great special effects for its time. Just a great, fun, exciting movie that, unfortunately, was a huge flop. This film's director Joe Johnston is currently directing the upcoming Captain America film.

Sin City: Good movie based on a pretty good comic. Visually, this film is stunning and one of the greatest technical achievements in the entire genre. However, it falls a little flat acting wise and the stories written by Frank Miller are so dark and nihilistic it's really hard to care about anything that happens or any of the characters. But if you like that kind of thing, you'll like this. Incredibly faithful adaptation, especially since Frank Miller himself is credited as a co-director. I find a lot about this film to respect and admire, but little to love or even enjoy watching.

Spawn: In order to understand Spawn, you have to understand what was going on in the comics industry during the mid 90s, and that is something far too complicated and detailed to go into here. Let's just say that when Todd McFarlane created the Spawn comic book, it was a given that he would someday adapt it into videogames, toys, t-shirts, and movies. When Todd created Spawn, he wasn't starting a comic book, but an empire. Unfortunately, the comic was mostly unreadable and this film is mostly unwatchable. This film wasn't made because anybody loved the character nor because the story was so rich and full of ideas. This film was made because the comic book sold millions of copies. But what nobody seemed to understand is that the comic book sold millions of copies because Todd McFarlane was drawing them. Take away Todd's art, and all you have is a dumb character and a really stupid story. Throw into that John Leguizamo dressed up as a midget clown munching on maggot-covered pizza he found in a trashcan and you have just about the most unappealing movie ever made.

Spider-Man: Fairly good adaptation except for a few things: The awful depiction of Peter Parker, the terrible performance by Tobey Maguire, and the fact that Spider-Man now has organic webshooters. But the film was fun and the special effects were great. Also, the Spider-Man costume looked awesome. It's just too bad Tobey Maguire was so bland and annoying.

Spider-Man 2: Better than the first film, but still not that great in my opinion. Sam Raimi is a fantastic director of action and comedy, but I don't think he gets the best performances out of his actors, nor is logic or proper storytelling things he seems to care too much about. And still Tobey Maguire sucks. I didn't like this one very much so I never saw part 3. But a lot of people loved it.

The Spirit: Frank Miller followed up his Sin City film with this horrible piece of crap. Visually, it looks just like Sin City. In terms of story, dialogue, characters, and acting performances, it was also just like Sin City. Too bad it was based on Will Eisner's The Spirit. Horribly unfaithful as an adaptation and just weird and off-putting as a film. Skip it. In forget, forget it even exists.

Steel: Another film that's hard to understand why it was even made. After Superman died in the comic books, they introduced four different Superman-type characters who may have been his resurrected spirit... one of whom was Steel. Taken away from that context, he didn't have much of character all his own. Instead, they made him a generic superhero and cast Shaq. It was better than Kazam, but not by much.

Supergirl: Man, I haven't seen this movie in years, but I seem to remember liking it. Helen Slater was as good a choice as any to play the titular character, but nothing could've saved this film from feeling like an afterthought. Afterall, who really cares about Supergirl? No offense to the character, but even she has been retconned and changed and recreated so many times in the comics that I don't even know who she is anymore. But still, this is a cute, fun little movie that's worth watching if you can overlook the fact that it sucks.


And that brings us all the way the Superman films, which seems like another good place for a break. Tune in later for the third -- and I'm guessing final -- installment in my comic book movie round-up.

Comic Book Movie Round-Up (Part I)

Just because I can, I'm going to give my brief thoughts on every movie I've ever seen that was based on a comic book. I'm guessing this will be multi-part, take forever, and probably go unfinished. But let's see how it goes. I'm only going to talk about the films I've seen, obviously, and the list will be in alphabetical order because I'm going off of this -- except for when I talk about a series, in which case I will discuss them in chronological order.

Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts, or just to let me know if I missed anything. Also, I'm only going to discuss live-action movies. I'm not a big animation fan, and I will leave TV series for their own post some other day.

Let's go:

30 Days of Night: I didn't love this. Great premise about vampires living in Alaska where nights can last months at a time, but it just wasn't all that fun or scary. I've also never read the comic book. I've glanced at it, but the artwork seemed too abstract and off-putting.

300: Cool comic, even better movie. This seems to be one of those love it or hate it movies, but I loved it. It had a cool story, fun actors, awesome action sequences, and incredibly visuals. This is why I go to the movies.

Barb Wire: Remember this movie? Remember the comic? This was a bad comic that premiered at the launch of Dark Horse's failed superhero imprint "Comics Greatest World." This one got a movie because it had a main character with big breasts. Not a whole lot to hang a plot on, so it sucked. The comic book -- and entire line -- vanished as well.

Batman (1966): This was the Adam West film based off of the 1960s TV series. If you loved the show, you'll love this movie. I did and I do. It's very campy and very tongue in cheek, but it's also very funny and very entertaining. Great movie.

Batman (1989): Tim Burton's Batman film was probably my generation's Star Wars. It was huge, it was everywhere, and it transcended cinema and comic books. It was a phenomenon even more than just a movie... but it still holds up in my opinion. There were some wacky ideas that didn't really make sense or fit the character, but all in all it was a gorgeous movie with an amazing cast and awesome set pieces. This is probably my favorite comic book movie of all time. And, yeah, I think Michael Keaton was the best Batman and Jack was the best Joker.

Batman Returns: After the phenomenal success of the first Batman, Tim Burton was able to do whatever he wanted with the sequel, so he just went insane. This is seriously one of the weirdest films ever produced by a major Hollywood studio. How else can you explain how the Penguin went from being a character who was short and fat and wore a tuxedo... to a disgusting fish man who drools bile and lives in a sewer? I just don't get it. But I still like this movie because it's funny, great looking, and has a cool cast. But boy is it weird.

Batman Forever: And then Tim Burton passed the franchise over to Joel Schumacher and things got ever weirder. All in all, I like this movie ok. Jim Carrey is fun to watch as the Riddler and Val Kilmer was a fairly decent, if bland, Batman. But it's pretty dumb.

Batman and Robin: This movie is not without its charm, but you'll never hear anybody else say that. This is probably the most reviled and despised comic book film of all time -- not only because it was so bad, but because it all but ended the Batman film franchise for the next decade or so. It's a bad film, it's completely over the top, moronically stupid, and George Clooney sucks as Batman. But still... I kind of like it. It makes me smile. And Arnold as Mr. Freeze always makes me laugh.

Batman Begins: It's me against the world on this one, but I didn't enjoy this movie at all. I'm not a fan of Christian Bale's performance and I just didn't buy director Chris Nolan's interpretation of the character. Also, the story was dumb and the action sequences were some of the worst I've ever seen. Still, it was a huge hit and people loved it.

The Dark Knight: I liked this one even less than Batman Begins, but it went on to be one of the most successful movies of all time so what do I know? I just know it was pretentious, over written, and featured a main character that wasn't anything like the Batman from the comics I grew up reading. Still, the action sequences are better this time around and Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker is deservedly well praised and worth watching. Still... I dunno. I'm not a fan.

Blade: After Batman, this is my favorite comic book film series. Actually, this is probably my favorite comic book film series, considering how they are all great while only the first Batman film was actually all that good. Anyway, this movie is awesome. It stars Wesley Snipes as a vampire slayer. It has kick ass action, a great cast, and a dark, moody tone that really sucks you in. Pardon the pun.

Blade 2: This movie is amazing. It took everything that made the first Blade so great and kicked it all up ten million notches. The special effects are better, the fight scenes are among the best I've ever seen in any movie, and the story is epic. It's also kind of dumb and makes no sense, but who cares because it's so damn fun. This is the best movie in the Blade series and one of the best comic book movies ever.

Blade Trinity: This movie was a step down after Blade 2, but I still like it a lot. It's funny and entertaining, but the story is weak, the guy who plays Dracula was so lame, and the ensemble cast downplayed Blade way too much. Still, Ryan Reynolds is funny and Jessica Biel is super hot... but where's Blade?! Long-time series writer stepped in as director, and he maybe wasn't the best choice. Still, I like it.

Bulletproof Monk: Fun movie. Never read the comic. Worth checking out, but don't run to the videostore or anything.

Captain America (1990): I remember reading about this film's production in Stan Lee's Bullpen Bulletins when I was a kid. According to him, it was going to be just about the best movie ever made. Well, it wasn't. At some point, Stan just stopped writing about it and it just disappeared. I don't know if it ever came out, but I finally saw it years later on TV. And it's awful. This is pretty much the vanguard of bad comic book movies. Captain America was played by Matt Salinger, who was more famous for being the son of J.D. Salinger. I'm pretty sure this film was the reason why his father became such a notorious recluse.

Catwoman: Now this is a bad movie. I have it on this list if only because it shares a name with the comic book character, but the similarities certainly end there. Nothing else about this film is even remotely based upon any comic book featuring the character called Catwoman. And even forgetting all that, this is just a terrible movie.

Constantine: I've always been more of a Marvel guy than a DC guy, so I don't know a whole lot about John Constantine. I've seen him in a few comics, but I've never read any issues of his solo comic Hellblazer. Having said that, I liked this movie. I thought it had a cool story and some neat ideas. Still, had I been a huge fan of the character, I probably would've been annoyed with the casting of Keanu as the blond, British John Constantine. It's worth checking out.

The Crow: Overrated but still pretty entertaining. The Crow is notable for being the last film by Brandon Lee, since he died accidentally during the film's production. As legacies go, this was certainly a better film than Showdown in Little Toyko. It's a good film that is better than the comic upon which is was based, in my opinion, but it's still a little overrated. But it's well worth checking out, and it is sad that Brandon Lee came to such an early end, because he was a really talented, likable actor. They also made a whole bunch of sequels with different actors, but I don't think I've seen any of them.

Daredevil: What a mess. How did they screw up Daredevil this bad? What makes this film so bad is that it's really not that bad of a film. It's just a huge mess with almost every major character detail done wrong. But you could tell they really tried to treat it all seriously, and Ben Affleck could have been good as Matt Murdock. But the story was bad, the script was terribly, the costume sucked, and the action scenes were appalling. Awful movie.

Elektra: This was actually better than Daredevil, but it was still terrible. The best thing I can say for this movie is that some of the action scenes were neat and Jennifer Garner is very pretty.

Fantastic Four: Although it's relatively unknown among most non-comic fans, the Fantastic Four is maybe by favorite comic ever, so it was with some trepidation that I saw this film in the theater. And while it was pretty bad and had made some wacky character changes, I mostly enjoyed it. But it wasn't all that great and could've benefited from a much better director. Still, Chris Evans was fun as Johnny Storm, and Jessica Alba sure was pretty, even though she was way miscast.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: More or less the same movie as the first one, just with a slightly more epic plot. If you liked that one, you'll like this. If you hated that one, well... skip it. I thought it was still ok, but maybe more satisfying if only because they did so well with their interpretation of the Silver Surfer. But why no Galactus?

From Hell: Never read the comic, liked the movie ok. It's about Jack the Ripper. Johnny Depp. Kind of boring, but worth checking out.

Ghost Rider: Rented it, but it was so bad I never finished. Why make a Ghost Rider film anyway? The character hasn't even been able to keep a comic book series profitable so they really thought he could carry a movie? Not a bad visual design for the main character, but where was the script?

Hellboy: I'm a big Hellboy fan. It's my favorite current comic book and I think it's one of the most brilliant things I've ever read. I also thought this was a great film. It's another one of my favorite comic book movies. Director Guillermo Del Toro (who also did Blade 2) made it as a labor of love and it really shows. The visuals are amazing and the casting was perfect. Still, the script could've used some work and it kind of lacks a real ending. But I still love it.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army: I prefer the first Hellboy film if only because the ensemble cast is better and it is a little more rooted in reality while this one is all out fantasy, but it's still a great movie. Del Toro is a brilliant director and this is one of his best bar none.

History of Violence: I liked this movie, even though I was only mildly aware of its origins as a comic book. Worth checking out.

Howard the Duck: One of the most notorious bombs of all time. It really is a terrible movie that is going to be be unwatchable for most people. Still, I've probably seen it a few dozen times. If it was on TV right now, I'd watch it again. But don't let that fool you... it's a terrible movie.

Hulk: I liked Ang Lee's Hulk film, even though he probably wasn't the best choice to direct a big budget comic book action film. Most people hated this for being too cerebral and too slow and too full of psychological mumbo jumbo. And they're all right, but it's still fun to watch the Hulk smash stuff. There just isn't nearly enough scenes of the Hulk smashing stuff.

The Incredible Hulk: This really wasn't a sequel to the first movie. It was just another Hulk movie. All in all, it was a much better, more action packed, more satisfying film than the original. But still, I preferred Eric Bana to Edward Norton and I liked the visual design of the first Hulk more than the giant monstrosity found in this film. But it's a pretty kick ass action movie, with the final fight being one of the coolest action sequences I've ever seen. I'm sorry it was a flop because I love watching the Hulk smash stuff.


And that seems like a good place to stop and take a break. Stay tuned, true believers, for part 2 of our astounding round up of comic book movies!

Happy Birthday, Jason Statham

Jason Statham could retire today secure in the knowledge that he was one of the coolest actors who's ever lived. Luckily for us, he is still working and still awesome. Happy birthday, Jason Statham. Now go make Crank 3 already.

The Sunshine Boys

This is one of those movies I've been meaning to see for years. But, you know how it is. Try walking into a Blockbuster and requesting a movie like the Sunshine Boys and watch the reaction you'll get. But now that I have Netflix, and now that Netflix has access to just about every movie ever made -- well, I had no excuse. About the best compliment I can pay this movie is that I wish I had seen it years ago, since that would've meant I could've spent all those years since rewatching it over and over again. Simply put, this is as good and as entertaining and as satisfying as any movie I've ever seen.

The plot is simple: Two old, washed-up, Vaudeville comics who have refused to talk to one another for decades are offered the opportunity to reunite for a TV special... and hilarity ensues. The script is by comedy legend Neil Simon and based on his play, it is directed by Herbert Ross (master director of such films as The Goodbye Girl, Funny Lady, and, um, Footloose), and the two ex-Vaudeville stars are played by Walter Matthau (the greatest character actor in the history of American cinema) and George Burns (quite possibly the greatest comedian who has ever walked the Earth). The first scene reuniting the two stars as they bicker over how to rehearse their famous "Doctor Sketch" might be the best piece of acting, directing, and writing that I've ever seen in any movie. Or maybe it was just because it had George Burns and Walter Matthau, who could've read from the phonebook together and somehow it still would've been the best thing ever captured on film.

The only other major role in the film is played by Richard Benjamin, who I'm not surprised you haven't heard of, but you'll recognize his face. He is one of those guys who was a dependable character actor all through the seventies, but then he moved more behind the scenes as a writer and director as the film industry changed. He still pops up in various roles here and there, usually playing somebody's dad, and he's always funny and charming. But I've never seen him better than he was here as the nephew and agent of the insufferable character played by Matthau. Benjamin wasn't even nominated for a supporting actor Oscar, but he sure deserved one. Then again, no acting award could be better than the opportunity to star in a movie where every scene you have is either with George Burns or Walter Matthau. The Supporting Actor Oscar actually did go to George Burns for this movie, and as well deserved as it may have been, it was probably more for his overall career in show business than for any bravura acting on his part. Walter Matthau received a nomination for Best Actor, and I'm sure he would've won it any year that didn't have Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Also fun are a bunch of small roles by young actors who went on to bigger and better things, like Howard Hesseman, Ron Rifkin, and F. Murray Abraham as a car mechanic.

About the story there is very little else to say since it is very simple. But being very simple doesn't mean it isn't brilliantly done. It's little more than a love letter to Vaudeville, though there is also some commentary on aging, friendship, family, and subtle jabs at the film industry itself. Its origins as a stage play are very obvious, since there are maybe three main sets and every scene is just two or three people talking with very little movement. But that's all I wanted to see from these actors anyway, so that's not a complaint. The big scene toward the end where we finally see the famous Doctor Sketch is a brilliantly funny and accurate homage to an old Vaudeville comedy routine, but honestly, all of the scenes leading up to it were so brilliant and so funny, that it wasn't the showstopper that it should've been. It's hard to have a comedy sketch stand out in a film where Neil Simon is clearing writing everything one long comedy sketch. The scene does work, however, as a stand alone piece of comedy and as a testament to how these comedians were willing to put aside any anger or resentment or animosity simply to make the bit work and have the audience laugh.

 The DVD has a few neat extras, a look at the making of the film and even some screen tests by Phil Silvers and Jack Benny. Wow. That movie would've been amazing too. They should've just gone ahead and filmed those two in the same roles back to back with the main production. Hell, they should've made dozens of movies based on the script and just interchanged old performers like Red Buttons, Art Carny, Milton Berle, Red Fox, Jack Albertson, Morey Amsterdam... I'll stop now, but trust me I could go on and on about the people who could play either of these roles to perfection. Since it has been a long-running stage play for years, many of these guys probably were in a production at some point. They even remade the film years later featuring Woody Allen and Peter Falk, which sounds wonderful, but for whatever reason it's almost universally reviled. But, anyway, the film we got has George Burns and Walter Matthau, and it is just about as perfect as any film could be. Just go rent it and relive a little bit of Vaudeville. That kind of comedy never stops being funny.

Melissa and Joey

The titular Melissa and Joey, of course, are played by Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence, two charming and likable actors who do their best to save this utterly charmless and unlikable show. It premiered a few weeks ago on the ABC Family Channel and, for some strange reason, my girlfriend Shannon and I keep on watching it. I suppose we watch it because we both had crushes on the stars back when we -- and they -- were younger (Melissa was my crush, Joey was hers, obviously) and enjoy seeing them again, but I sure wish they were in something better than this. But work's work, and it's nice to see them both making another go at it.

The premise is simple: It's just a rip-off of (sorry, homage to) Who's the Boss? Melissa is a career woman (city council woman, which seems like an odd career for a TV character who is supposed to be rich and glamorous. Have the writers of this show ever been to a city council meeting? But I digress.) with a male nanny / housekeeper who moves in to help to help out. Where Boss succeeded was in having such a ridiculous premise grounded by the likable performances of Tony Danza, Judith Light, and company. Melissa and Joey's characters, frankly, are loathsome and thoroughly off-putting. Also, while the repartee between Tony and Angela was fun and cute because we always knew they cared about one another and shared a mutual respect, admiration, and affection, Melissa and Joey are just snarky and annoying and have zero chemistry. Much of this has to do with the mediocre writing and terribly dialogue, but the bland performances don't really help to elevate the material.

And the supporting cast is even worse. On Who's the Boss? we had Mona, one of the most iconic sitcom characters of all time, while Melissa and Joey gives us, um, that annoying Asian girl with the obnoxious bangs. She's pretty (probably, under that awful, Peter Pan haircut)  and maybe even a decent actress who possesses decent comic timing, but her character is so poorly written and given so little to do, she just tends to suck the life out of any scene she's in. Given more time to grow, maybe the character would go somewhere, but she really needs to put down her clipboard and have some persona other than "Melissa's anal assistant." The two kids fair even worse, since they exist only to walk into the room in time to overhear some awkward, inappropriate comment from either Melissa or Joey, mug for the camera, and then walk back out of the scene. That is seriously all they ever do.

So, yeah, this show sucks. Ultimately, it fails because the characters range from being boring (the kids and the Asian chick) to being flat out unlikable (Melissa and Joey). Seriously, the two main character just seem like self-obsessed jerks. But I've still watched every episode. I'm not sure why I keep watching, but it's probably because the two stars have endeared themselves to me so much over the years. I grew up watching Blossom, Clarissa, and Sabrina so it's kind of nice to have these two back on TV again. I'm not saying I always enjoyed Blossom, Clarissa, and Sabrina -- just as I'm not saying I enjoy this new show -- but having them around is comforting, and even with the worst scripts they are both still likable and cute and sexy. But I sure wish they were better actors who could make bad scripts more funny.

R.I.P. Robert Schimmel (1950-2010)

Robert Schimmel was a very funny man and one of my favorite comedians. When I learned that he died earlier this week, I honestly wasn't surprised. If comedy comes from adversity or suffering, it's no shock that Schimmel was one of the funniest comics of all time. He suffered from cancer, a heart attack, cirrhosis, and who knows what else. But he finally died in a car accident. Only Robert Schimmel could've come up with a punch line that good.

Anyway, he will be missed, and the most tragic thing about his death is that he isn't around to tell some jokes about it.

Happy Birthday, Sergio Aragones

It's fitting somehow that Labor Day has fallen on the birthday of Sergio Aragones, who is possibly the most prolific and hardest working cartoonist of all time. Or, at least, he's the best cartoonist of all time. Happy birthday, Sergio!

Star Wars: The Solo Adventures

This is amazing.

Top Five Dave Clark Five Jams

Obviously, the Beatles are the greatest and most popular band from the British Invasion... but The Dave Clark Five came close. The Beatles succeeded on to fame and fortune because they grew and changed and adapted to current trends with each new album. Unfortunately, The Dave Clark Five only stayed around for a few years before fading away... but while they were around, they were awesome. Here is how awesome they are: Dave Clark is the dummer and his kit was always placed at the front of the stage in front of the guitar player and the singer.

Anyway, here is my list of the top five songs by The Dave Clark Five... if only because I think they are the bomb and because I was just listening to a greatest hits album of theirs that I own. By no means is this list meant to be definitive or absolute. I just want to give a little attention to a band that I think is incredibly underrated.

Here is my list offered without additional commentary, if only because I don't want to keep saying "this song is also awesome" for every entry:


#5 Because


#4 Over and Over



#3 Glad All Over



#2 Catch Us If You Can


#1 Bits and Pieces
Ok, here's some commentary: This is probably the coolest song ever written. Just try to listen to ten seconds of this song without wanting to dance for the rest of your life. If The Dave Clark Five had only done this one song, they'd still be cooler than the Beatles.